When Saya Sleeps
by kakashidiot
Summary: Hajicentric. Haji's activities as he walks the earth alone. Chap 9! Haji in England realizes his place. Postanime fic! ANGST! RandR!
1. He Doesn't Know What To Do

I do not own Blood+...

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When Saya Sleeps

**Chapter 1**

**He Doesn't Know What To Do**

Uncertainty lay in his heart. Haji was undecided.

He sat there - in the dark alleyway - unsure. It was a new feeling for him - this indecision. To sit there unsure, like a lump of useless lead.

I_ know what Saya would say_, the dark-haired Chevalier mused.

"See the world for me, Haji - just what you and I promised to do together when we were young!"

_Or -_

"Don't let me hold you back - I want you to live for yourself, too!"

_Or -_

"Haji!" (laughing at her silent companion). "Don't be so dull! Get out sometime! I'm sure girls would like you around!"

Haji watched the girls now - from his secluded corner of the Parisian square - opposite his favorite haunt - a riverside park.

_They seem like flowers to me - beautiful, vivid - something I can't reach - Whenever I reach for those flowers... when they lie in my hand..._

_Saya... I am cursed._

And so, the cellist was uncertain.

_Those flowers are not for me_, he thought. _Besides... like flowers wither, these - these - all this - will pass away - and in this eternity of mine, there stands only Saya..._

_I love you. I can't do without you, Saya._

And so, Haji was divided. Between that world of sunlight and petals dancing in the wind - and the shadows of the grimy alleyway he peered out from.

A part of him felt happy - Saya was safely sound asleep in her warm cocoon. A part of him felt cheated - that Kai had been the lucky one to watch Saya close her bright eyes -

And where had he been?

Lying in a gutter half-dead - and Saya's sword clutched by his chiropteran hand.

And it was broken. It was useless now that it was all over. Now -

_Now it is truly just me and Saya. Except -_

And he was painfully aware -

_Like this broken sword, what use does Saya have for a Chevalier in a world with no Diva?_

And another part of himself felt lonely.

Once again, he wished Saya could be there to tell him what to do.

_I told her to live - but I don't even know what to do now - the Chiropterans - Red Shield - Diva - her chevaliers - none of them are after us - after me... I know what Kai would say - live for yourself... but... myself..._

With a shake of his head, Haji stepped forward, conscious of the warm sunlight now falling on his dark hair - as he passed under the large stone gates of the park across the busy road.

_It's all I know_, he thought as he settled down under a particularly large tree, snapping the cello case open. _It's all I can do_.

The melody flowed away on the gentle breeze - the wind carrying it to every corner of the city. Every now and then, although he never looked up - Haji could hear the clink of change thrown into his open cello case.

_Perhaps_, he thought to himself, _I could learn something new. As a gift for Saya..._

_If I play around the city... perhaps I'll get enough money to get some new sheet music..._

_Some Chopin... or Mozart..._

_She'd like that..._

He looked up - squinting at the sun - and then around at the children playing on the green grass - the dogs barking - adults laughing. And for those few hours of that lazy afternoon - he felt a part of it -

A part of life.


	2. He Embarks on an Adventure

**I do not own Blood+... or Haji... sadly...**

**Read and Review.**

**This is really random. I'm just exploring Haji's reactions and relations to humankind. That's about it. I'm not sure where I'm going with this...**

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When Saya Sleeps

**Chapter 2**

**Haji Embarks on An Adventure**

It was such a beautiful day - the warm breeze, bright sun, blue sky and puffy white clouds had drawn me out to my favorite park. And there, I sat. And played.

I shifted through the strange coins afterward, turning them over and over absentmindedly. Part of me was amazed - that here I was - myself - by myself - making money.

_Making money for me..._

_I should have kept the case shut_, I sighed. _What do I do with this? Perhaps..._

I frowned.

_Perhaps I could learn something new for Saya... but how? It would mean going to a store..._

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Scooping up the French and American currency, Haji shoved his earnings carelessly into a velvet pouch which he carried in his coat's left-hand pocket. He had decided. A store it would be then. And he thought he might know where to look for a start.

He found the quiet street in no time. A small, out of the way lane which held a tiny sidewalk cafe, an art store and a small music store. The houses across were tall, old-fashioned brick buildings - weathered by time - paint beginning to peel, revealing age old wood. But the silence - and the warm sunshine filtering through the ancient trees overshadowing the pavement - all of it seemed to wrap warmly around the solitary traveler.

_I've never had a place - it's always been wherever Saya is..._

_But... perhaps this could be called my kind of place. Like the Eiffel Tower at night._

---

He'd been in the music shop before. A long time ago just after the First War. It had changed. Alot. He remembered it as a quiet, musty place - feeling old and backward - and comforting. The gregarious gentleman who'd run the shop had been most helpful in supplying the monosyllabic Chevalier with replacement strings. And the bashful clerk -

_Both dead now_, Haji thought, as he stepped inside and surveyed the new green and purple decor.

"How can I help ya?" chirped a black-haired, studded (and kilted) punk girl, blowing a pink bubble toward the door. "Oh."

She had caught sight of her dark, silent, distant customer.

_Dark, silent, distant... and sexy..._

She took her army boots off the cashier's desk and stood up, suddenly interested.

"Can I help you with something?"

Haji's eyes slid sideways - Saya would have recognized the look as a subtle (and uncommon) panic attack.

"Music?" he finally said, really unsure of what to say.

His soft voice hung in the air, perking the cashier's interest even further.

"Music?" she repeated dumbly. "What kind?"

She paused as the she belatedly noticed the huge black and silver case on his back.

"Guitar? Lemme guess... you play... bass?"

"Cello."

There was a silence. The girl in particular was fascinated. It seemed to her as if he were merging with the very air around him. Right before her eyes. Almost as if he were part of the old woodwork behind the purple trimming and large cubist paintings.

_Creepy..._

"Cello, huh?" With a shake of her head, and a sigh (why do the cute ones have to be weird?), she turned away to lead the an to the music book section. "You should find it in here," she waved a hand at the small aisle of books. "Listed alphabetically according to instrument."

"Thank you," Haji gave a small bow, hand on his heart.

"Uh... you're welcome..."

The girl disappeared - no doubt returning to her station behind the desk.

Haji turned to look carefully at the labels, moving down the aisle.

_Accordion... Bugle... Clarinets... no back... back... ah... Cello..._

Somewhere an electronic door chimed. Two young men came in, talking animatedly.

"It's got alot of potential for a musical -"  
"Hmmm... perhaps..."

"I thought the music was really underscored by the costuming -"

"But the lights! They were synced with -"

"Well... it's Gervais, right? He's always got a beat syncing with lights... I was more concerned with the lead actress..."

"Couldn't sing a note! They should have got a SINGER!"

"Well... who could opposite a tenor like that, though?"

"Ugly as sin?"

"Damn right. But a good singer..."

"Good singer sure... but aren't there any good faces around?"

"Hm. Yes. Altho... what did you think of 'Serenade'?"

"Now... that's a GOOD show, if I may say so."

"Yes... much better... but they say that Blanche has gotten rather ill lately... they'll need a replacement..."

"Well... we're just the choir... who knows what the conducter is going to do..."

Both men, swinging around the corner into the tiny aisle containing the music scores, fell silent at the sight of a big, black, silver-lined case - long legs and black shoes. The case turned smoothly and they stepped back at the sight of the still face, lidded eyes, long black hair and distant air.

"Hullo, hullo," whistled one of them.

Haji backed up.

"Sorry," the second, shorter man smiled cheerily. "Claude and I were just looking for something... if you don't mind."

Haji turned away with a nod, and let the men pass him. Turning once again, he perused the cello pieces.

_There are so many... what would Saya like?_

"Ah! That's a cello, eh?" Claude interrupted the Chevalier's musings.

"Hai." A bandaged hand pulled out a book and flipped through it. A Handel piece, arranged for cello.

"You play?"

"That's dumb," Claude's friend snorted. "Of course he does..."

"Well..." Claude protested hotly. "It could be for someone else, Anton!"

"You've ever played professionally?" Anton asked. "What have you played?"

A pause.

Haji blinked and then: "I played Bach. Only one piece - for..."

Another silence.

"For her."

"Ehhh?" The men drew back.

"But..."

Another pause.

"Perhaps she would like something different?" The cello player mused.

"His girlfriend?" whispered Claude.

"Dunno," shrugged Anton.

"You play Bach?"

"Hai."

"Well... that composer has rather complex pieces... perhaps Debussy? Look - a really nice arrangement of his piano pieces for cello. Sad, but happy and avery gentle." Anton lifted out a slim blue book with a Monet garden painted on the front.

Haji opened it with a nod of thanks and perused the pages.

"It's good, huh?  
"I heard from Shelly that it's good..."

"Can you play it?"

Haji looked up and blinked - the two cheery men were still there, holding various sheet music under their arms.

"Hai. Thank you. It seems suitable."

"Glad to help," Anton grinned at Claude. "We love Debussy. Too bad he never did any choral pieces! Anyway - we have to move on! Get a show on the road, so to speak! See you around!"

"Ja." Haji nodded, bowing ever so slightly, hand (once again) on his heart. "Thank you for your advice."

With that, he turned away and, finding the checkout counter with the spunky girl, set the music down.

"Found something, have you?" asked the girl. "Oh! It's Debussy! How nice."

Haji wondered if she even knew who Debussy was...

_Does Saya know... will she like this? _

Pulling out his purse, Haji spilled the coins out and watched the girl count the money out.

"Whoa! That's a lot of change!"

Haji blinked.

"It is not allowed?"

"Nooo... just... here... let me count it out..."

Ten minutes later, Haji left the shop, leaving behind one puzzled cashier and two fascinated tenors. But that was of no significance. After some sleep, he planned on finding a secluded spot.

_Time to practice..._

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Two weeks later, Haji was once again at his favorite park, once again playing. It was another beautiful day - another fond memory for Haji to store away - to think and reminisce about to himself during the more tedious and depressing times of waiting.

_It's not like I need to fight anymore, either. I feel... so useless... when Saya wakes up, she has the omuru and Kai and the twins... but I would... _

_Just be in the way, right?_

Yes. A depressing thought. But on days like this, Haji was happier. There seemed to be hope in the mid-spring air - and the greenery, now waking up after the long cold months of winter, seemed to help spread a sort of cheer. Haji, sitting on a small stone wall ringing a tiny garden surrounding an ancient oak, felt that at times like these anything was possible.

_Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun..._

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Weighed down by the body, wordless, struck dumb,**_

_**To noon's proud silence must at last succumb:**_

_**And so, let me sleep, oblivious of sin,**_

_**Stretched out on the thirsty sand, drinking in**_

_**The bountiful rays of the wine-growing star!**_

_**Couple, farewell; I'll see the shade that now you are. (1)**_

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Something impossible perhaps..._

Haji's reverie was broken by a cry of recognition.

"Aha! It's the celloist!"

"Ehhh? Anton... you must be - ah! You're right! Mr. Celloist!"

Haji looked up to see the two men from the store leaning over him.

"It's good to see you - and it seems you've been practicing hard on that piece!" Anton smiled. "This is your favorite playing spot, perhaps? If so, then I will probably come to hear you again."

"Forgive, Anton's enthusiasm," his partner smiled. "He tends to get a little crazy over Debussy... rather embarassing, eh, Mr. Kernhikov?"

Haji looked around him - and then blinked - as if noticing for the first time the small crowd that had gathered around to hear him play. He turned to Anton, Claude and "Mr. Kernhikov" and nodded.

A short, bearded man with sunglasses, Mr. Kernhikov couldn't help but smile at the blank face of the celloist. Somebody obviously was not aware of the new music scene - especially in relation to the show "Serenade", which was coming out in two week's time. It tickled his fancy - the withdrawn air and almost seeming invisiblity... As if he'd become one with the trees...

"My name is Kernhikov."  
"Anton."

"Call me Claude!"

A paused.

Haji stood and bowed ever so slightly.

"Haji."

"Ah, Haji... You've been playing cello long?" asked Kernhikov, watching the silent man pack away his instrument to the disappointment of the crowd.

Haji hesitated, then slid his bow into its place.

"Yes."

"Ever done anything professionally?"

"No," Anton says. "Apparently he does it only for his girlfriend. Personal -"

He fell silent as Kernhikov waved his hand.

"Immaterial. I'm sure you know it - I can feel it - those unspoken words in that music. A voice - calling. Waiting. Sad. But happy. It's heartwrenching - and it drew a crowd. And what does this all sum up to?"

Haji shut the case with a click, rising to his feet.

Claude blinked. "Um... I don't know..."

"Those are the ingredients of a good show. A show which goes beyond words and reaches the human soul!"

Haji wondered how he could excuse himself politely.

"In other words..." Kernhikov smiled, his enthusiasm reaching a sort of climax. "A perfect replacement for Blanche."

Anton and Claude nodded.

Haji backed away. Slowly.

"What do you say to that, my young celloist? I'll give you a nice salary for it. It only runs for a month, this small show of mine. All you have to do is play what you played today. In the same way... and then... voila! Instant success."

Haji froze at the thought of being on a stage with thousands of eyes on him...

_No._

He shook his head.

"I don't feel -"

"But come! At least think on it!" Kernhikov pressed the Chevalier. "You could play it - as if you were playing for your lover!"

_Lover..._

_Saya..._

_Saya with Kai and the twins..._

Haji looked down.

"At least come and see a rehearsal. And then make up your mind!"

"You'll really enjoy it, Haji. You'd play the part of the mysterious 'Muse', who encourages the lovely Bianca to continue on with her artistic expressions!" Anton enthused. "I'm one of the tenors in the choir - along with Claude, here... But 'Serenade' is a great show!"

"'Serenade'?" Haji repeated, feeling like he was being swept away in a huge river.

"Just a look," pleaded Claude. "Our celloist who was going to be the 'Muse' has become ill with what may be cancer... Replacing Blanche hasn't been easy... but..."

"You'll need to talk to the conductor about this, eh, Kernhikov?"

And so Haji ended up joining 'Kernhikov's Troupe', on a beautiful spring afternoon.

And Saya slept on.

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(1) "Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun" by Marsalles. The poem which inspired Debussy to compose his piece. V. erotic.

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**TBC...**

**Where is this going? I don't know. I guess... what I want to do is explore the life that Haji might have after the destruction of the Chiropterans and the death of Diva. What does Haji do anyway? What does Haji get himself into? How does he relate to other people?**

**If you go by the famous doujinishi "Blood+: City of the Nightwalkers", Haji is capable of SOME human interaction... but it seems really, really... scarce... so... yeah...**

**I don't know... perhaps I should... like... write another chapter to finish this "Troupe" arc... who knows... **

**Tell me what you think...**


	3. Haji Is Swept Away

**I don't own Blood+... or Haji...**

**hahhaa!**

**I seriously don't know where I'm going with this fic. Seriously! I'm just... running and babbling on like a river... which is a new sensation since most of my plots tend to be all pre-planned...**

**READ AND REVIEW!!! I appreciate hearing constructive feedback!**

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When Saya Sleeps

**Chapter 3**

**Haji Gets Swept Away**

"So... what do you think, Andre?"

Andre was speechless.

So was Haji.

The silent Chevalier was still blinking at the sight of the massive set - with all of its blinking lights, neon signs and befeathered chorus girls.

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I thought the poster said, "Serenade"... what does this... noise... have to do with a Muse of Nature?_

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Haji didn't know what to say.

Which was fine for Kernhikov and Andre - who seemed to be filling the space of silence with their own flamboyant expressions.

"It's Broadway?" Haji ventured a guess - after a LONG moment.

"It's MORE!" Kernhikov enthused. "The ULTIMATE show spanning all genres -"

He seemed to have undergone a severe personality change. Haji wondered if the man was entirely sane.

_But then... _Haji thought philosophically. _These people are artists. Not so different from those long ago..._

"The angelic chorus!"

"The lure of the city!"

"Destruction of the genius -"

"Dancing!"

"Lights!"

Haji hung back, trying to avoid Andre's eye.

"So... WHO IS this beauty?" Andre asked, tapping his conductor's wand against his hand - swinging around on Haji. "I don't need tenors, Vlad. I need a celloist -"

"And that is what you have!" Kernhikov nodded. "This is THE ONE! And a fine artiste he is too, no?"

"Hm. Hm." Claude and Anton nodded enthusiastically.

Haji stepped back - Andre's stare had in it more than calculation...

"To replace Madamoiselle Blanche?"

"He'd play it more than perfectly! And his piece is perfect - _Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun_!"

Andre nodded slowly, his eyes being filled with that strange fervent light which had taken over Kernhikov's gaze.

"I can see it."

"Yes, yes. I knew you would."

"But I want to hear it, all the same."

"Of course! Of course! But in scene!"

"But we have no costume yet!" A young girl butted in, eyes fastened on the petrified Chevalier - who still struggled with his inevitable fate as celloist for "Serenade". "But I can already see it... subtle blacks, glues and greens - very organic - hair down - with vines entangled in his hair... shirt open... Let me just at least try some of it out."

"Yes, yes, Anita. That's sounds perfect! Ah! The perfect muse to restore Creative Spirit to our heroine!" Kernhikov snapped his fingers. "Beautiful. But I want the Forest Scene set. Send the girls home - we are done for the day. But I want lights - Anita - be quick - It's just a trial run..."

Haji found himself being pushed toward the back of the theatre by a rather enthusiastic Anita and Kernhikov. Anton and Claude waved cheerfully at the speechless celloist.

"Good luck!"

"Break a leg! We'll be watching!"

Within ten minutes, Haji (after a painful seperation from his cello) found himself being measured for his future costume and receiving a quick hairstyle.

"Such beautiful hair," the steel-studded stylist murmured, running his fingers through Haji's dark chestnut locks. "How do you keep it so well? What shampoo do you use?"

Haji just blinked.

"We'll have you in full costume next time around," Anita enthused, pulling out a bramble of vines. "But with these artistically placed vines, an open white shirt and your dark pants - it'll be good enough to create atmosphere..."

"I don't -"

"Nonsense. You've got nothing to be afraid of! You're perfect for the part - and kinda..." Here, Anita blushed. "Cute, too... But -"

Her eyes fell on Haji's bandaged hand.

"Those wrappings..."

"No," he said softly, stopping her busy, prying hands.

"It's okay, dearie..." The hair dreser squeezed Haji's shoulders, looking into the dark, heavy-lidded eyes - and winking. "If Andre digs - everying will be okay. Maybe you could cover it in vines - or..."

Haji blinked.

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Digs?_

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"Hmmm..." The girl shrugged. "Well... it doesn't matter. This time. Dress rehearsal..."

"Hey! You ready, Anita?" called Andre.

"Yeah! He'll be out in a sec!"

Seconds later, Haji was unceremoniously pushed onto the wide staged. Gone were the glitzy lights and the flickering neon signs. It was empty - just him there - all alone. With all those eyes watching him.

He wanted to take a step back.

"All you have to do," Kernhikov was yelling at him. "Is walk over to your cello, play your piece, wait until the lights dim and focus on the heroine, then you get up and leave, with your cello. And the heroine realizes that it is a vision meant for her to abandon the commercial life of the city and embrace the creative spirit of nature, understand?"

Haji, trying to edge off stage, didn't know what to say.

"... right..."

"Okay. Here you go..." Anita hissed, jerking at a vine which didn't look so artistic. "Just walk over and play. It's more or less about your playing - everything else will be taught... just go..."

It was a nice place - the scene. Woods suggested by enormous potted plants and fake bushes and hedges. And a large painted scene of mountains with a river and some trees. It looked... familiar... A sense of nostalgia welled up in him.

_Beautiful... _Haji smiled. _Like home - those mountains... something reminiscent of southern France - or was it... some part of eastern Europe? From that time so long ago?_

He found his seat (a rock artistically placed beneath a tree) easily enough. And his cello.

"Ahhh..." Andre smiled at teh sight of Haji - and his expert handling of the instrument.

The Chevalier looked a picture - his white shirt half unbuttoned, hair brushed, curled and twined with vines. To Anton, Claude, Kernhikov, Andre and Anita, the Muse of Nature came alive on stage - a perfect materialization of melancholy and loneliness.

The forgotten.

Haji's uncertainty gave him a withdrawn air - and as he checked his cello's tuning, focussing hard on the task, he seemed...

To Andre it was amazing -

_

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It's like... he's a part of the set..._

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Gaze no longer was important to the Chevalier. He focussed on the familiar strings beneath his fingers - the flexible, lightweight bow - the weight of the instrument against his thighs -

And suddenly it didn't matter anymore - those eyes were simply nonexistent.

It was just him and Saya, relaxing under a tree in the south of France. Near Marseille? It was a picnic - he was playing, she was gulping down food -

Chiroptera - Diva - Chevalier - wars -

Didn't matter anymore.

And he played for her. And she smiled.

Saya smiled.

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Saya._

_I wish you could be here._

_Then I wouldn't be so lost. Then I would find that purpose - And maybe you'd tell these people to leave me alone -_

_Because -_

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Haji felt embarassed.

He was Saya's Chevalier, after all. Saya's knight. Her right hand - the one who understood her - above everyone else.

And he knew how to fight in compliment to her - had waged the war against Diva at her side -

And he couldn't tell these people 'no'.

The melody's final note faded away into the still air - Haji suddenly realized that a silence had fallen on the theatre house.

Then someone started to clap. Amid applause, Andre ran up, eyes streaming with tears.

"Beautiful! Amazing! You're on!"

"It'll bring down the house!" Kernhikov nodded. "My intuition is as sharp as ever!"

"I didn't say -" Haji's objections were overrun.

"I'll start on the costume right away."

"Keep up the practicing!"

"You'll be fine!"

"Is this his FIRST performance?"

"Amazing!"

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_Saya... I'm a well-trained, experienced Chevalier - I should say no..._

_"See the world for me, Haji - just what you and I promised to do together when we were young!"_

_**"Don't let me hold you back - I want you to live for yourself, too!"**_

_**"Haji!" (laughing at her silent companion). "Don't be so dull! Get out sometime! I'm sure girls would like you around!"**_

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"Okay," Kernhikov said, jolting Haji out of his thoughts. "I suggest practice - and coming in for a fitting - three days from now."

"Practice," repeated Andre. "But otherwise, you're fine."

Haji numbly erceived his coat, cello, case and congratulatory pats on the back. Anita wrestled the vines from his hair and smiled at him, visions of his costume dancing in her head.

"Dress rehearsal is one week from tomorrow at one o'clock sharp!" Kernhikov nodded. "We'll see you there on time."

Standing on the Eiffel Tower, looking over the city at dusk, Haji couldn't help but smile a small smile to himself.

_

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Perhaps... Saya... this is what you wanted... I don't know... but... I hope... you'll be proud... when you wake up... until then..._

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And he played it again for her.

Her favorite melody.

Hoping the wind would carry it to her.


	4. He Counts the Minutes

**_I don't own Blood+... neither do I own Haji... only in my dreams... (sigh)_**

**_Still don't know where I'm going with this... or for how long... but tell me what you think anyway!_**

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_sunflora200 - Thanks for the compliments on the writing. I tend to be too minimalist at times - I really gotta work on my descriptions... but for Haji's simplicity, it works. :P As for Saya... hmmm... perhaps eventually she'll come. But considering the fact that she sleeps for 30 years and this is only the 2nd year she's been asleep... (shrugs) dunno..._

_simmie - Haji is TEH SMEX! His seiyuu (VA) is Katsuyuki Konishi (the same VA for Soubi from Loveless)... this, in my opinion, makes him SO MUCH HOTTER! There's something about his voice..._

_may - (bows) arigato!!! I'm glad you like my Haji's POV!!! ;P I think he's awesome - and all those big blanks about his past... makes my fanfic muse itch!!!_

_arthen - thanks for your continued encouragement! hope you enjoy the 'more' in this episode of Haji!_

_ninpo - you've not seen alot of Blood+??? goodness... I'll have to put Spoiler warnings then... (sweatdrops) I didn't mean to destroy the ending of the show for you! I'm glad you think I've kept Haji IC. (smiles) It's really fun writing him! Hope you enjoy this new installment!_

_K - wow! another new reviewer!!! (they just seem to be coming out of the woodwork) XD Haji is the best! And I'm glad that I can provide people much needed Haji goodness!_

_souren - YAYYY!!! You're a Haji-fanatic too? (clasps hands) Let's moe together!!!! lol. or not... I'm glad you're enjoying this. I agree that it's a shame that this show wasn't picked up by more fanficcers... (sigh) And alot of it is about Kai and Saya... (which btw, I LOATHE)... but ah well... I guess if there's none out there, it's just a call for me to get off my butt and start writing!_

_LightSorceress - Thanks! I always thought that Haji was left really mysterious... I kinda want to slowly unfold him and show different sides of him that I thought would be (more) probable... maybe... . We'll see how that goes... (sweatdrops) But hopefully this fic will show the hopefulness of the ending as well as the darkness of the past..._

_Blarghies - ahahaha! So embarrassed!Haji tickles your fancy too? Yeah... I think Haji is great to write about because he's so awkward, and torturing him socially is so funny! (up there with torturing Angel, Kakashi, Amon, Byakuya... lol...) I'm glad you think he's IC... I always wondered how he would behave without Saya. But I also based alot of my presumption on "City of the Nightwalkers" too..._

_orange - thanks sooo much! and yes - Haji is TEH SMEX! (read above for details on his SEIYUU!!! KATSUYUKI KONISHI is TEH BIZNATCH!!! and hearing "soubi-haji" voice singing is TEH 7th HEAVEN!!! ahem onwards..._

_stateofpandemonium - agreed. Haji isn't suited for the show biz. So trapping him there is FUNN-Y! Conversely, there's this whole "I'm useless without her", "what do I do?" etc etc etc. And how does Haji travel? Does Haji know how to use a cell? Haji and the internet? Haji on the subway? THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!!!!!!! (yep... all these things shall be covered! I promise!)_

_darknesstriestotakeme - thanks! here's the update! hope you enjoy!_

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_**NOTICE!!!! NOTICE!!!!!!!! NOTICE!!!!!**_

_I've had 3 people ask about SAYA. So I guess I should just address this right now... This is a Haji-centric fic. Sadly. But there you go. I'm a Haji-fan. I'm a Saya/Haji fan, but first and foremost, I'm a Haji fan. So basically, this is going to focus on Haji, with Saya/Haji flashbacks (and anything else canon and non-canon)... but Saya won't be appearing in the flesh ANY TIME SOON... because this is only the 2nd year (out of 30-ish) of Saya's Sleep..._

_I'm not going to go into my Saya rant... but I'm just gonna leave this note with: Saya is going to come. But not anytime soon. Gomen! Sorry!_

**_

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_**

**_RandR!_**

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**Chapter 4**

**Haji Counts the Minutes**

_Time is funny_, Haji mused on the second night, watching the moon take its time to set behind the Parisian sky scrapers. It's gentle rays were soothing - glinting softly off the metal of the Eiffel Tower - giving everything a kind of angel glow...

_Some sort of shine._

_Here, it is nice_, the lonely Chevalier thought. _But... Soon the sun will be up. _

It was the second day after his forced "audition". To the Chevalier, time seemed to be moving in fits and starts. Some hours - as he played his violin at the park (reaping in more money and more listeners) - went by slow. But some hours, such as the night time, as he contemplated his upcoming dress rehearsal, seemed to go by so fast.

_There's no time to decide_, Haji sighed. _I need to think... Should I just leave? And never show my face in Paris for another thirty or fourty years? Or should I go through with this? I need more time..._

He chuckled to himself.

_Funny. Or maybe not... that as an eternal creature, I find that I'm lacking time... Ironic, perhaps?_

-

Settling back on his iron perch the next night, Haji contemplated (once again) the torture he was going to face later on in the day. The Dress Rehearsal. The celloist was already thinking of it in capital letters - most likely encouraged by a sense of doom. He lay back and let the wind play with his hair, shutting his eyes... and pretending.

Pretending that he was sleeping, just like Saya. Whiling the hours and minutes, seconds and miliseconds away in dreamless sleep.

_Dreamless? _

He wondered, opening his eyes to look up to the grey moon.

_Saya... do you dream of me? If I was sleeping, would I dream of you? They tell me that dreams show you what you really want... I guess it wouldn't be fair if I closed my eyes and pretended... but I never get a chance to know..._

Pulling out his cello, Haji propped it between him on top of a metal girder and started to play The Piece.

The piece he was supposed to play for the Dress Rehearsal... for the Show... "Serenade"...

But in reality, his mind was far away - no longer under the moon, under grey clouds serenely drifting above the eternally lit city... No longer surrounded by old houses jammed cheek by jowl with new glass offices and shops. No longer surrounded by a mass of humanity breathing, eating, smoking, excreting, love-making... laughing, crying...

No longer there.

Haji was dreaming.

-

_She was waking up again... and he was there bending over her, hand outstretched - and she leaned up toward him, her lips turned up in a smile. Rising up, she moved awkwardly... unsure - but he was there to steady her. Outside, it was springtime. A bird had landed on the wooden, cracked window sill and was chirping shrilly. After watching it for a few seconds, she turned to her Chevalier. He was still standing there - at her side. Waiting. As always._

_"Haji," she whispered, pulling him down, to lay her head on his shoulder._

_Her hand came up to brush back his long hair, exposing his firm, leanly muscled neck. He was so beautiful._

_And his blood was even better._

_When she drew back, she smiled. This time uncertainly._

_"Are you okay?" She asked._

_Haji looked up, his solemn face now relieved (just slightly)._

_"Now that you're awake..."_

_"Hmmm... It looks so nice out... Let's go for a picnic, huh, Haji? You have to tell me what you did all this time!"_

_Haji followed her out silently._

-

_Memories_, Haji sighed, setting his bow down, _are all that I have... So clear and vivid - it's as if I'm almost there... Is this a dream then?_

He remembered that day too - the picnic and the laughter. The temporary relaxation before the business of Diva was set into action.

-

_During the World Wars... Haji sighed. In every conflict, there are Chiroptera... and these people... He thought of the Parisians during the Occupation. Have undergone terror, famine and the horrors of defeat... But now they are picking themselves up again. This world does not need a Diva to plunge them into desolation again!_

_"You are thinking seriously about something, Haji!" Saya peered at her brooding partner. "Did something bad happen while I was asleep?"_

_"There was another war," Haji sighed._

_"Eh? Another one? Didn't we just have a bunch before?" The ageless girl shook her head, her black hair sliding over the ruffles and lace of her dress. "Why do humans have to fight? It just makes things more complicated for us! Don't they realize there's something worse out there?"_

_"Oh... I don't know..." Haji's eyes slid sideways. "Sometimes... humans alone have the capacity for the greatest destruction..."_

_"Sounds like something that Joel would say," Saya shoulders slumped at the thought._

_"He did."_

_"Eh - did what?"_

_"He did say that. I remember..."_

_"Ah."_

_"It reminds me of Amshel..."_

_"Sorry," Saya's hand grabbed Haji's clenched fist. "I'm sorry for bringing this up."_

_"No," Haji turned to his master with worry. "No. I'm alright! Saya doesn't have to worry..."_

_But she took his arm and laid her head on his shoulder, knowing that he enjoyed the contact and encouragement._

_They sat for a long time like that... under the shade of a great oak tree._

-

_That was the link then_, Haji mused, watching the sun slowly rise, and the French people prepare for another day of hectic tourism. _That was the day we spent a couple of hours on a picnic in Southern France. And the oak tree I have to play under... _

The Serenade set certainly brought back alot of memories... Shaking his head, Haji jumped down quickly, reached a silent alleyway and found his way to a cafe, where he pretended to eat a croissant.

He missed Kai's food... the omelets had been good - even though forcing himself to eat them hadn't made him anymore human - anymore normal... Now, it seemed a waste of effort.

_But, _Haji stared down at his plate, ignoring the stares of the waitresses._ Perhaps it was only because Saya was there..._

In two hours, he found himself at the same battered back "Staff Only" door of the Theatre Revele. Haji sighed.

_I guess my subconscious made up its mind then..._

Before he could knock, the door banged open - letting a stream of young ladies swamp the dumbfounded Chevalier. Before he could jump out of the way, they were already past him, chattering about this and that - and several of them fell silent with curiousity as they looked at the Chevalier and his cello case. Young, bright, cheery... their fast French conversation going over Haji's head as they talked about boyfriends, school, evil work partners and what pantyhose they hoped to wear for the performance...

"But you know - hey - isn't that -"

"Yes - did you hear it's the new celloist -"

"Poor Blanche."

"I hear she's dying."

"Dying?"

"Good heavens... but he's quite a beauty..."

"She could never hold a candle to that!"

"Well, girls, a man would be a better muse than a girl -"  
"Good point, good point!"

"But do you think -"  
"A good player - he's got to be -"

"I hear Andre is basically panting!"

"Panting! Ahahaha! Poor man..."

"Who? Andre?"

"No way!"

Haji edged away - forward (hard to do against the stream) - and found comparative safety in the dark, cramped, busy hallway of the backstage. Inside, it was hot, stuffy and the few fans placed on dressers and window sills weren't really helping anything either. Musicians, singers, dancers, soloists and actors, bumping into his shoulders and cello case - stepping on his feet - all gave him curious stares.

The Chevalier wanted to turn tail and "get the hell out of there" (as Kai would have put it) - but just as he swiveled around, a hand reached out of the dim gloom and grabbed his shoulder, yanking him into an equally stuffy, small dressing room. Haji could only just glimpse a skewed card that spelled "Haggi" on it. The english was horrible. But even more terrible was the hungry, expectant look in the eyes of Angie, Andre and Kernhikov.

"This is..." Haji trailed off, glimpsing a costume hanging on various hangers. And a bundle of vines and white bandages set up on a small dressing table.

"Your dressing room, of course," Kernhikov nodded. "Listen, Ha -"

A pause.

"Haji."

"Haji, right. Just double checking."

"I don't have alot of time to talk to you - neither does Andre -"

Andre sighed unhappily.

"But... I just wanted to go over payment options... and... what this entails. Alright -"

"Payment options?" Haji repeated, blinking slowly in puzzlement. "Ah... I get paid for this?"  
A dumbfounded silence.

Angie giggled.

"Of course, silly! You wouldn't do this for free now would you?"

Haji bit his lip, feeling foolish.

"Of course not," he said quickly, wondering yet again what he'd spend his money on.

_Perhaps a gift for Saya?_

"Now... do you have a bank account - direct deposit is fine by me..."

"Cash," Haji said softly.

"Cash?" Kernhikov coughed. "Uh... sure..."

"This is going to be a good sum of money, Haji - since you're really doing us a favor. Three percent of the final sales... as well... as..." Andre named a sum. "If you're fine with that in cash... so be it..."

Angie's eyes widened.

Haji tried to look impressed.

And failed.

_I guess Saya can get a big gift then? I wonder... does she like jewelry._

"... three month run..."

"Three - pardon me?" Haji blinked, coming back down to earth suddenly.

"It's a three month run. And after that, one month of traveling around France... free transportation, food and all."

"It'll be so much fun!" Angie clasped her hands. "Say yes!"

_I have a choice? _Haji thought with a sigh, watching Andre slip in front of the door (basically eliminating all escape options).

"Okay," he said. "I have alot of time on my hands anyway..."

"Good! Good! Great!" Kernhikov rubbed his hands, slapped Haji on the back and shook hands with the silent Chevalier. "What I want to hear! What I want to hear! Okay! Basically, Angie is taking care of you and a couple other extras. But you're her main job, right? So feel free to ask her any questions - yes, yes... At any rate, it's lunch time - you want some lunch! We can take you out, eh, Andre?"

"I just ate," lied Haji. "I'm sorry..."

"No, no," Angie butted in. "It's fine. I needed you to come and try on the costume - and see if any alterations need to be made... This way you'll be all set for your dress rehearsal!"

Andre looked put out, Kernhikov was already slipping out the door talking about meeting with some sponsors. Reluctantly, Andre tagged after him, giving Angie the evil eye, which she blithely shrugged off.

"Come, Haji!" she smiled, eyes glinting. "Let's see how you look in these!"

_Out of the frying pan, _Haji thought. _Into the fire..._

-

Angie watched Haji with fascination. It was twenty minutes to the dress rehearsal - outside the small, womb-like dressing room, she could hear the girls standing around in the hallway (no doubt trying to get a glimpse of the newest addition to the troupe). People were running up and down trying to shout orders, carry props, guide the sponsors and producers who came to their respective places in the empty theatre...

_It's a madhouse_, Angie sighed, thanking heavens she'd done her makeup jobs on the three main chorus girls already. _Going out there is suicidal... I guess it's because of the sponsors - everyone wants it to look good... This is where the rubber hits the road. I wonder if he fully realizes this?_

Her blue eyes watched his long slim fingers slide the bow expertly along the honey-colored wax, slowly, unhurriedly... as if... he didn't have a care in the world. Then, he began to tune the cello, twisting each knob carefully, listening intently to the quiet sound of 'thrum' under the chaos outside the door. After ten minutes, he began to play, softly and sadly - some sort of haunting tune.

The makeup artist watched as his eyes became distant - and then, as a crash resounded in the hall (one of the fans had fallen) - a small, tiny, almost invisible wrinkle appeared between those perfect eyebrows. But his face was serene - he pulled away and stopped playing.

"Haji?" she asked.

He looked at her expectantly.

"Have you played the cello for a long time?"

The celloist sat back and thought for a moment.

"A long time," he finally agreed in his ever soft tone.

"Since you were a kid, huh..."

The silence between them grew.

-

_Saya thrusting the bow into his hand, standing over him like a strict schoolmistress. Scolding him for every mistake he made, and he, feeling angry at Joel, feeling afraid of Amshel and annoyed by her ridiculous demands - threw it down in a fit of temper._

_"What are you doing? Joel told me to teach you things, so I went out of my way to ---"_

_He rose, setting the cello aside._

_"It's a waste of your time," the young boy pronounced walking away._

_"If you're going to be my friend, you should be able to at least play the cello."_

_Haji turned to look back at her._

_"If it is singing or dancing, I've been taught sufficiently."_

_"Then show me," she replied, picking the bow up off the floor. "I'll play the music for you."_

_He glared at her, chin tipping down stubbornly._

_"Anything is fine, I'll play along."_

_He said nothing._

_"Can't you do it?" she asked, beginning to frown. "If you can't listen to what I say, then get out of here and go back to where you came from."_

_Haji's skinny shoulders shrank._

_"Fine. I'll do anything then. Even if it means being with you at night. After all," his fists clenched as his impotent anger flared. "You people just bought me!!!"_

_The small boy seemed on the verge of crying, "Don't look at me with a face like that!"_

_Letting out a half sob, Haji turned away to watch the rain drip down the window in the suddenly deafening silence. Then footsteps broke it, and he turned - as she drew closer, filling up his vision._

_"I don't know," she said honestly, drawing him into a deep, warm hug, her hand cradling his head. "What should I do at a time like this? Whenever I would cry, Joel would tell me it's okay and hug me, then, I'd relax a bit. What's it like for you?"_

_He turned his head then and looked at them in the mirror - and at the single pink rose he had picked for her a couple of days ago..._

-

"Since I was a kid." He said.

-

Everyone was still in a tizzy when Angie led Haji to his spot in the right wing backstage. The chorus girls pranced past the silent Chevalier, sashaying, giggling, wiggling their artistically placed feathers provocatively in hopes of some approving reaction.

All in vain.

Haji blinked (Angie still could not recognize his look of puzzlement), wondering once again why humans found so much joy in feathers, noise, bizarre body movements and neon lights. It made him puzzle over his own role compared to the strobe lights of the clubbing scene (which made him feel... _dizzy_?)...

_I am to represent, I suppose_, he thought, _what they fear and desire - Nature, enlightenment -_

_And silence._

"Everybody's high strung tonight," the main actress sighed as the chorus girls pranced out leaving the set empty. Easing on her glittery high heels, the women sighed and then paused at the sight of Haji.

On stage, the two "villains" were busy plotting "Demoiselle Carolin"'s demise. Backstage, said "Demoiselle Carolin" was eyeing the silent, new celloist, with avid interest.

"You're... the new celloist," she said.

"Haji," he nodded, bowed slightly as was his custom, with his hand on his heart.

"Hm. Annette's my name."

"Annette..." He nodded again, tilting his head again. "A pleasure to work with you."

She strained to hear him now - one of the men had burst into a minor key, tricky solo on the desires of evil men. Already the black-clad she-devil dancers were poised to swoop onto the stage.

"And you seem pretty calm - considering the sponsors, producers - and I hear, a couple of early reviewers - are watching..."

Haji shifted, Angie sighed.

"I think this is his first time in the show biz, Annette."

"Goodness," Annette smiled even more broadly - behind her the girls were moving on stage. "Such an amateur is going to replace Blanche? Madame Duprey and Conte de Sivgny are gonna blow a gasket!"

"They were told. It was... unfortunate for Blanche to..." Angie trailed off. "But unfortunately, cancer waits for nothing."

Annette shrugged.

"Well... I'm sure it'll be fine. You did a good job, Angie. As usual. Better than usual, I might add. But then," laughed Annette. "You had help. He's easy to make pretty - eye candy, is that what it is called?"

Haji's eyes slid sideways.

_Eye candy?_

He plucked at his shirt.

_Would Saya say this was eye candy? What is eye candy anyway - it sounds ambiguous to me..._

The girls were coming back now. Annette disappeared on stage, was "duped" by the "villains" who left after the "dirty deed". Backstage, they whispered, relaxed, carefully chugged back a bottle or two of water, practiced their lines - and glanced at Haji curiously and smiled. Haji didn't move a muscle. In twenty minutes, Angie turned to her partner, plucking at his elbow - as a signal to get ready. But Haji had already picked up his bow, his eyes alert as he poised for his entrance.

The whole stage was dark now - one spot light focussing on "Demoiselle Carolin", who was giving a heartrending monologue of desperation, as she walked along a lonely country lane. As she journeyed, "Carolin" switched from her speech to an equally depresssing (but short) lament. Meanwhile, the two props boys moved plants in artistically, changed the scene, added the rock and cello - gave the signal -

Haji slipped past, unnoticed, sitting down at the ready.

And Annette swooned, as if falling into a deep slumber. Then she rose.

The lights rose to give everything a soft glow, Annette was transfixed - as was the audience.

It was a beautiful and refreshing picture after the neon and the clubbing scenes. Nature depicted by the majestic mountains in the distance, the orchards, the trees, the potted plants and bushes, the overhanging oak tree...

A picture of peace, a haven of calm -

Something tangible in sight -

And sound.

Across the now full theatre (packed at the back with the chorus girls) and reaching into the stuffy backstage (crammed with crew), the haunting melancholy voice of the cello rolled. Haji, skillfully beckoning as the restoration of Nature's muse, brought tears to the eyes of everyone present - including Annette.

And when he was done, everyone gave a thunderous applause - as "Demoiselle Carolin" swooned into a deeper sleep - and the Muse of Nature crept away with a slight bow.

"Magnificant!"

"Bravo! Bravo!"

Several of the girls were cat-calling.

"Just... Just... beautiful!"

"Ahh! If only he was my Muse!"

"I hate to say this... but Blanche... won't be missed..."

"Totally upstaged Carolin there..."

"I don't see Madam Duprey having a problem with this..."

The excited chatter and compliments took awhile to quiet down - but the show ent on and finished with a bang. The sponsors, producers and the few lucky reviewers were transported. Andre was beaming. Kernihikov, triumhant, Angie, in seventh heaven -

Haji was in the dressing room, trying to untangle the vines from his hair.

-

"Haji!" Angie swung into the dressing room. "There you are! I've been looking all over for you! Madame Duprey is coming..." She trailed off as she watched him shrug his shirt on, glimpsing a lean, muscled chest in the mirror. "Oh! Sorry!" She blushed.

"This is the young man?" Madam Duprey asked, sweeping into the tiny dressing room as if it were a glittering parlour. Shifting her gold-rimmed spectacles more firmly on his nose. "Hmmmm... Tsk tsk," she tutted, staring down her nose at him (although he had one foot and then some on her). "As a rule, without Blanche, I would consider this turn of events as devastating. But... it seems as if you will do... Kernhikov knows talent when he sees it, I must admit that. You are what... English?"

Haji blinked, then turned away to shut his cello case and get his coat.

"Gypsy, my lady," he finally said.

Lady Duprey's eyes narrowed in distaste.

"Common breeding then..."

Haji just blinked.

Then said diffidently. "Yes... Now, if you'll excuse me..."

He edged past her politely, giving Angie a small look of apology, and fled.

"Excuse me!" barked the old harridan. "Get back here at once! I'm not finished, young man!"

But Haji had already disappeared.

"Kernhikov. You got a good celloist, I must admit," the old woman huffed. "Talented, easy on the eye... ahhh... if only I was younger... a crowd pleaser to be sure... but - a gypsy! You know what they say about THEM! My mother always said never trust a gypsy... And then... there's that one incident - when I was QUITE young, and there was this cousin of mine, twice removed, mind you - and, as I was saying, quite quite the blossom! But it can't have been my side of the family's traits - we were quite stable. No, no, it had to be that bizarre mother of hers - at any rate, RAN OFF with the GYPSY GARDENER! Never saw her again! Never, EVER saw her AGAIN! Again! The same! And took us quite a bit of money to cover up... And he's impudent. Not the gypsy gardener, the celloist, I mean. Does he not know his place? Kernhikov, tell him!"

Angie, watching them slowly move down the hallway, heads wagging.

_Haji... you better be careful..._

-

That night, Haji spent several hours walking up and down the back streets of Paris. It wasn't necessary anymore, really - now that the numbers of Chiropteran had significantly decreased due to Diva's death... However, as Haji had told Saya (so long ago it seemed)...

There was some sort of peace and closeness - and comfort - to be found in the cobblestones beneath his feet. As his dark shoes silently treaded down the empty roads of the outer suburbs, Haji closing his eyes enjoyed the slight breeze on his face, and the distant sounds of the eternally lit city.

He found that one spot - it was dark and empty now, where it once had been busy. That place where they had gone shopping: Saya, Riku, Kai and himself... He thought of that day, wistfully. Of the sunny sky, the smiles of Saya and the laughter of his fellow (and now dead) Chevalier... and even (here, Haji smiled ruefully) pouting Kai.

His hand tightened around his cello strap as he remembered Saya in his arms, trying to bravely stifle her tears.

-

That night, Haji spent the slow minutes of night, thinking of a dark-haired girl. A single kiss. And a promise.

* * *

**Review please! Tell me what you think! Tell me how much you love Haji! Tell me why you love Haji! Feel free to rant and give constructive crit.**

**Next up: Haji on Tour??? Or perhaps... Haji works for a part-time job??? At any rate - it's gonna be Haji goodness!**


	5. He Remains Simply Haji

**A Note... Read my Author's Notes! They generally are short and to the point - and will tell you important things. Like what to expect and stuff like that. Seriously. Read them. That way, I don't have to repeat myself...**

_-_

_I don't own Blood+... neither do I own Haji... only in my dreams... (sigh)_

_I'm STILL not sure where I'm going with this. But... people REALLY seem to like this idea... so here goes nothing!_

_THANKS TO ALL WHO REVIEWED!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU! ARIGATO!!!!! _

_You don't know how much it means to me, considering how small this fandom is! I appreciate all your reviews and you fangurling and raving and everything! I love hearing from new reviewers - and I love reading rants! So feel free to leave rants/fangurling/__**constructive**__ crit!!!!_

_Also good news, since I got a bunch of plot bunnies for this story... so hopefully it will go on for some time - and with small arc plotlines. That's the best you can expect here!_

-

Blarghies: I hope this satisfies your Haji thirst! I'm sooo glad you're enjoying my ramblings:P I appreciate your encouragement - and ideas! Hopefully some of that will be fulfilled in the future... As for the "snobby" lady, I think she's great because she undercuts the infallible!Haji we all love and admire...

darknesstriestotakemeover: Haji on tour... Hopefully some of it is covered here... But more stuff is sure to come! And of course - HURRAH for HAJI!!!

dramafreak000: Thanks for the encouragement! Hurrah for Haji!

aegisqueen: Saya won't be showing up for a long time. But until then, we get the beauty of Haji on his lonesome:P Hope you enjoy!

kuro-hidama: thanks for the review! it's good hearing from people! And yes, some of the stuff I think up is kinda cracky - but Haji in a tight spot is sooo cute! did you see the short RAW doujinshi of Haji getting kneed in the groin? lol. It was the FUUNNNNIEESSTTT!!! lol. his face! hahaha... as for the 'violin' thing... typo it is... when I'm not lazy, I'm gonna haveta fix it... thanks for pointing that out!

state of pandemonium: Thanks for the review again! And yes, Haji is a very capable person. But he reminds me alot of Soubi in a way (from Loveless), because both of them had very... strict... no, constricted childhoods. They were very fenced in and brought up in a particular way... That's why I think in some ways he's very capable of SOME things and very unaware in other things. (Like the way he acted around Saya in Russia)... but he LEARNS... so. Yeah. He's cute all around...

souren: thanks for your continued support! I'm glad you still enjoy this! Haji needs more homage. Proper homage. Don't get me wrong, I think Saya/Haji (in THAT order) is canon... but... call me picky... but few have floated my boat...

simmie: from my reviews, it appears that the old lady is gonna be assassinated by the fangirls alone. but you know, i want to create a world where Haji can be dissed. :P I like letting my bishies get run over. If you read "City of the Nightwalkers", Isaac's attitude toward Haji just made me... -shiver- lol...

otaku samurai: being a "hopeless fangurl" is fun! (so speaks one) And yes, he's the hottest bishie EVAH! Have you seen the Japanese or the English version? At any rate, the japanese seiyuu... Katsuyuki Konishi is TEH SMEX!!! I'm very glad you enjoy my Haji-punishing! ;P P.S. Noted your profile... IshiOrihi is THE BEST! You should check out Peacemaker Kurogane and Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto. Both are quite good and you can upload PMK at anime-eden... and most likely BK-Iroha...

ashley: alot of people ask about Saya. she's not going to come for a while, but yes, they will be reunited. eventually. and will Haji be happy? I think it would help him to learn to be happy without Saya around, don't you think? at any rate, I agree... Haji-fans UNITE!

ceres: 1. hopefully your curiosity re the theatre company descriptions will be satisfied... sort of... I actually believe more in individualized ideas of what charas look like... but this chappie, I'll mention some stuff... :P 2. as for Andre... is he connected to your yaoi remark? hahahahaha... I'm totally a yaoi fangirl. and there WILL be future references to Nishi/Sai... but as for Andre, the attraction is definitely one-sided, because i think that when Haji became Chevalier, he lost alot - and became bond not only emotionally but physically to Saya... so... unless you want non-con, I don't see Haji doing the wham-bam-thank-you-maam with anybody... 3. Haji getting a bank account. yeah... that's coming up too...

reianna: I'm glad you agree with my interpretation of Haji. My interpretation is uke!Haji. In every way - uke. All the way. Alot of "western audiences" who are watching the (no doubt) edited english dub, don't appreciate as much uke!Haji, I don't think... I prefer him that way. Haji, a powerful creature who can sustain almost any injury - and yet... can't socialize properly... it's kinda cute and funny. Seme!Haji annoys me. Alot. You'll not find any Seme!Haji's in this fic. No sirree. oops! I'm babbling now! gomen! I hope you enjoy!

dyoaka: thanks for the review! and for the encouragement! I hope you enjoy this installment as well!

chebbi: Okay... (rolls up sleeves) how to tackle this... 1. the old lady might come to realize that Haji is cultured, but the problem with racism is that it is illogical. So, it doesn't matter how much we KNOW Haji is cultured, our opinion isn't going to affect the lady. as a reader, we need to seperate these two basic differences. :P Besides, I LIKE writing bishies into trouble like this. It's my bridge to reality. 2. I agree with you on Haji and his relationship to music. Haji takes his music seriously - but it's based on personal reasons - canon-wise. You don't see him doing recitals. It's like being a poet - but never publishing because all your poems are PMS angstings or something like that... And I don't think Haji is in any way a "Pro"... which makes his situation even more funny. And yes, Kernhikov is WACKED! 3. Disagree with you on the bank account. From what I read in the 2 scanlated volumes AND from what I read in the RAWS of the manga... as well as the WHOLE show... you RARELY to NEVER see Haji handling money. I doubt he'd have an account with Saya. I believe (according to Wiki), that most of his life was constricted by Joel OR the Red Shield. At one point, he was alone for 30-ish years (b/w vietnam and the "present"), but if you go by "City of the Nightwalkers" there is no indication of needing food or anything like that. Money and "our world" seems almost seperated from Haji (or rather, vice versa). I could totally see Red Shield as being his prime "supporter" for most of his life (his clothes are similar to Riku's Chevalier clothing - which he got from Joel...) - supporter in the sense of providing him blood to drink and perhaps clothes replacements? lol. i always wondered about his clothes... But I'm gonna approach the money situation in a way I think is totally probable... 4. Considering Haji, I see the idea that being strong physically doesn't mean you have a will. Haji does everything Saya tells him to - except ONE thing (at the very end) - he makes that kind of statement too. That's because his body, mind and spirit are BOUND to Saya... and so, being "weak-willed" is entirely probable. Think Soubi from Loveless. Which makes him vulnerable, in a way, because while he's seen alot and done alot, he's still immature about other things... I can totally see him being swept away. Notice his reactions to Mao. And Kai. One time he responded to Kai with a "you know nothing about this, so shut up" kind of tone - but that's more situational (just before the climax of the show) and you find out what's been "stressing" Haji for the past... hundred (or so) years. lol. When Saya (or her 'will') is being threatened, Haji responds in kind (ie. his interaction with the Schiff and other Chevalier)... and you could make a case that he acted like a brat, when he was put with Kai on the Train to russia - and he played all night just to piss the young guy off... at any rate, I see Haji as being very introverted and run over. Even by Saya. So it's no surprise, if people like Kernhikov are too pushy and therefore get their way... 5. about the language. I know that Haji knows - at the very least, Japanese, English and French. Logically. But, I wouldn't be suprised if he knew a bit of Romanian (???), German or even some Vietnamese/Mandarin... However, I'm sticking with Japanese stuff because: he never (even in the show) refers to Saya in French terms (which could have been used with jap subtitles...), because I want to keep the flavor of the show by remaining japanese, because I favor japanese over french, because I HATE french and because I (frankly) SUCK at it... these kinds of choices I made at the beginning of this story - because these are MY personal takes on the show. These aren't all canon (more like fanon), but they are my style, which is what you'll haveta expect from me. ;p Despite the fact that my story lacks a major over-arcing plot, styles and approaches to Haji are imbedded deeply. Fixedly. Because I see Haji as **uke! **ultimately...

aldelena: great! another Haji fan! Lovely to meet you! I hope you enjoy this next installment! and yes, I am one and the same kakashidiot from I also go under 'kakashidiot' on - where you can see some of my higher quality stuff!!! it's great hearing from yet another lover of the same fandoms!!!!

commedia: thanks for the encouragement! I'm really glad that you're enjoying my interpretation of Saya's super smexy Chevalier... ahh! If only I had him at my beck and call... Sometimes, I think Haji is really pulled around too much, poor thing. But he's good this way. :p... yes... I'm a sadist...

dreamerdust: wow. thanks for the rant. I loved it! I always like hearing new people and their takes on Haji. Haji, I think, is BOUND to Saya (read my response to Chebbi) - so he can't HELP but think of her 24/7. As for Haji and the modern world. I think it's fun seeing them interact. Like Haji in the car. He always looked soooo... I dunno... out of place... and do you remember that conversation he had with David when David was a drunk? (It'll be coming up in this fic sometime... :P). I think it's very true. David has some good observations there. (As does Haji). LOL. Haji and cellphones. AHAHAHAHA! YES! YOSH! I will broach that! lol. That's just too funny... I think I'd treat it like the whole "Angel and his cellphone" situation. (If you ever watched the show ANGEL... lol :D) Saya's rejection of Haji in Vietnam - BOTH TIMES (1st time when she cuts off his arm, 2nd time when she feeds off him in a really brutal state of mind) - or maybe not rejection but... almost... abusive (???) IS AN AWESOMELY ANGSTY MOMENT FOR ME!!!!!!!! WAHHH!!!! And you know when Solomon takes Saya away, Kai tries to stop Haji and Haji responds with a very ANGSTY, REVEALING statement "I have no one but Saya." TTTT (hugs Haji) HAJJJJIIIII!!! I'm HERE FOR YOU!!!

anon: Hmmm... you have some great ideas that are now spawning plot bunnies galore... we'll see if any of them germinate properly. lol. But thanks for the review - I'm glad to see that there are other people out there who also wonder what the heck Haji does during the "down time"... and as for Nathan... his "love" for Haji always made the yaoi fangurl in me giggle with glee... lol...

msviral: we need more haji goodness... (sighs) where IS IT!!! DARNIT!!!... . ;;; Hope this helps satisfy any Haji needs you may have been experiencing. Lol!!!!

tangoofdoom: thanks so much for taking the time to review!!! I'm glad you are enjoying this fic - and that you enjoyed Blood+. It is indeed an amazing show. I dunno if you saw it in Japanese, but the seiyuu for Haji's voice (Katsuyuki Konishi) IS TEH SMEX!!! (You'd prolly remember better as Soubi from Loveless and Keigo/Shuuhei from Bleach) and Radu from Trinity Blood. As for the fic in question, I'm glad you are enjoying the Haji-centric-ness (which is an oxymoron because I think Haji's existence is incomplete without Saya. Sadly.). Writing for Haji alone is hard because so much of him is tied up with Saya... but we'll see how it goes. As for the music, thank you. I'm a piano player myself (of a sorts) - I used to take lessons and all - but dropped them in favor of my better talent (writing). :P but the theory will always remain - and to this day I enjoy classical music and soundtracks to a large degree. And yes, Andrew Lloyd Webber is amazing. POTO is a great piece. I've got 3 versions of it. My favorite being Sarah Brightman's rendition. On the other hand, about plot. Sorry about that. There is none. You are correct. I began this piece as just being merely drabblets... and then they sort of connected and started to make minimal sense... but other than that... I dunno... we'll see... It's a new feeling for me - and perhaps fits Haji and his wanderings well.

-

_**How did Joel end up here? . ;;;**_

_**Ah well...**_

_**For those who like Haji alot... I did a sketch of him as the "Muse of Nature".**_

GO TO MY PROFILE - and you will find the link there.

_**Also, below the said pic is ANOTHER one called "Haji does Saya's Laundry" - which is OOC, Crack, in my opinion. But cute. lol.**_

_**ALSO: For those who like Shounen-ai or hints of YAOI, read "Waiting for You" (can be found if you scroll down through my fics). Which covers a the prequel Haji from "Blood+: City of the Nightwalkers". For those who want to read "City of the Nightwalkers" (because it's a great resource for me), email me, and I'll set you up with a personal downloading link. XD**_

_**Spreading the Haji love!!!!!!!!!!**_

_**-**_

_**Another note: This chapter seems really short. And odd... I started out with one idea. And 3/4s of the way through... BAM! Something changed... so I had to go BACK AND REDO PARTS OF IT!!! GRRR!!!!! Also, as requested, I tried to add some description for the Troupe! Hope you enjoy!**_

_**Read and Review and RANT!**_

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 5**

**When Saya Sleeps**

**Haji Remains... Simply Haji**

When the curtains rose, everyone was in a state of excitement. Angie was hopping up and down, Anton and Claude were now a part of the small back up choir - two familiar faces in a now familiar crowd. In the front row, Kernhikov sat with the sponsors, political dignitaries and important critics. His bulletin was now mangled beyond description - but it was out of sheer exuberant excitement than anything else. Like Andre, he had babied other musicals and made them fly - but that beginning moment - the question of whether the audience would find some connection was still so important.

Now with everything come together - costumes done, lines polished to perfection, lights timed, instruments tuned - that important moment of connection had arrived. However, one couldn't help but feel excited. Twice as excited, considering that a recording and taping were being edited in the studio with a live version also planned for broadcasting - it was like a dream come true for the Company.

Watching the girls twitter, pat their feathers and silently rehearse lyrics, Haji marvelled at the way their professionalism evaporated any fears, anxieties and distracions like him away.

And here he was - against all odds - about to walk out to the spotlight.

_It's only a small role,_ Haji sighed. _But still... so public..._

Setting his shoulders straight, the chestnut-haired "Muse of Nature" nodded to himself.

_I will not shame your teaching, Saya. I will do my best - as I promised. Even if I'm not sure of myself... even if I don't know who I am..._

-

It was odd sitting there, all alone. David and Julia busy with their child in England. Kai running the omuru while attempting to raise the Twins on his own... And even that reporter Okamura and his girl Mao were gone...

It felt strange, yes, to sit there without having to worry about anything. With Chiropterans disappearing quickly off the face of the earth - becoming nothing more than a nightmare...

_Let us not forget_, he whispered to himself, flicking open the ancient watch - still cracked, still unmoving. _Time had stopped since that time..._

_Saya... Diva... Haji..._

He wondered what the last Chevalier was doing.

_Was he waiting for Saya somewhere nearby?_

* * *

**Kai had alerted him immediately at the sight of the blue rose - a year and then some after Saya fell asleep.**

**"He came around," Kai had said softly, over the phone. "One night. When the girls were asleep... I was dozing - and then woke up... and there he was."**

**The young man paused.**

**"He's so silent. It's creepy... but he's the one Saya chose in her heart, long ago. So I gave him the cello and the album - and he left, the next morning."**

**"Did he touch the girls?"**

**"No. He just played for them and then left."**

**"Haji..."**

**"Joel. He meant no harm."**

**"I understand."**

**"He's the same as always," Kai said in wonder. How Haji had survived the bomb, the blast, the falling balcony... it was beyond him. "Gentle and quiet. And he spoke of nothing except Saya. And even then, not alot of her either..."**

**"He looked good?"**

**"He looked the same - Haji never changes. It's all about Saya..."**

**"I see."**

**_So the Chevalier had survived against all odds. The first one to come - the last one to go_, Joel mused.**

* * *

At any rate, here he was, watching some musical performance with a group of business acquaintences. Life was going on as usual... And as he turned away from his companion, focussing on the now darkening stage, Joel couldn't help but sigh with relief. 

_It's all over now. I have paid my debt to the past - I have accomplished what generations have fought for..._

His fist clenched on his now immobile leg.

A heart-rending monologue and a sweet short song on the desperation of a victimized damsel - she swooned... And the lights rose softly, as a cello called out of the night.

Joel sat upright suddenly, his eyes wide with shock.

_That cello... _Those slim deft fingers which had learned to wield a blade... The long curling dark hair wrapped in vines... But most familiar of all, the haunting voice of the melody.

_The song is different... Debussy. Not Bach. But the memories laden behind - is potent... Haji... You..._

_Haji... You are living for her..._

-

The post-premiere party was a mass of actors, actresses, famous musicians, buisnessmen, sponsers, critics and other performers gathering in a large, red-carpeted banquet room. Piles of apertifs and tiny snacks abounded tastefully, arranged around fruit and vegetable trays. Fish eggs, hors d'oeuvres... The wine flowed, people were laughing -

Haji looked around spotted the perpetually scraggly beard and mane of Kernhikov (seperated by the eternal sunglasses and large nose) beside the tall, thin, ever-flappable Andre. Andre looked in fine form tonight - the black tuxedo made his auburn hair even more magnificent, and his blue eyes shone with post-performance euphoria and alcohol. The Chevalier knew better than to join the group.

Andre's greedy eyes and the calculating glare of the Countess were two things that Haji didn't feel capable of dealing with. Chiropterans, yes. Flamboyant homosexuals and socialite snobs, no.

He could already hear her screechy voice agreeing the Andre on a matter of taste.

_Interior decorating? Or was it a scenery choice?_

_No matter..._

Haji shifted - then, caught himself. He frowned at his own restlessness.

_Why is it... Is it because you are not here, Saya? This food _(here, he looked down on at his full and untouched plate) _has no taste for me... _

He smiled wryly at himself.

_You are bored, Haji. Like a young child... Have patience... the lonely night will be here soon enough..._

"Haji."

The Chevalier turned and looked down.

A familiar face. A too familiar face. Haji's brow wrinkled ever so slightly.

_Red Shield. Joel..._

"Joel-san."

"Haji..." Joel smiled disarmingly. "It's been too long. I'm so glad to see you safe."

"Ah..."

_Re-ally?_

"Saya missed you so. Kai believed you had survived - but..." Here, Joel shrugged. "Who'd have thought he'd be so right? Speaking of Kai, he gave us a call when you showed up in Okinawa - but I never thought I'd see you again, to be honest."

"I went to see Saya. To ensure her safety..."

"Hmmm... yes... She waited as long as she could for you... but..."

Haji's hand clenched at the thought of Saya falling asleep without seeing his face.

_Like so long ago - during that bloody war in the jungle..._

"And... yet... here you are," Joel nodded at a young lady smiling his way. "Among the brightest and best of Parisian society. How did you get involved with the Company? I never thought the new up and coming celloist would be you..."

"Things... happened..." Haji replied vaguely, still unsure himself on how he became the "up and coming celloist" for "Serenade".

"Like a wave under the wind," Joel said softly to himself, wheeling towards a low table with some dainty pastries on white lace doilies. "Or... maybe not... Peaceful in the dead calm. Beautiful even. But when the wind commands..."

"You are speaking in riddles, Joel-san. If you are speaking of me, I only -"

"It is of no consequence," the head of Red Shield waved a hand airily. "What matters is that you are safe and happy. Do you need anything? Money? Clothing?..." He left the sentence hanging.

Haji hesitated.

"Perhaps..." he said slowly, an idea forming.

"HAAAJJJIII!!!!" Annette called from the other side of the room. She approached, her blue and pink feather boa, flapping around as the actress and singer swayed over. Underneath her peroxide blonde curls, her blue eyes were bright, cheeks flushed with wine - but the hands curling around his elbow were unresisting. "C'mmmooonnn!!! You SAID you would come talk to me!!!"

Joel's eyebrows rose comically as Haji tried to unobstrusively pull away.

"Joel-san..." Haji blinked, as Annette pouted. "Sorry, I -"

The influential banker chuckled to himself, quickly wrote the name of a private cafe and a date on one of his cards.

"Here," Joel smiled, pressing the card into Haji's hand. "Have fun, Haji. You deserve it." He winked, and turned to roll away. "It's time the ladies appreciate you..."

"Joel-san..." Haji said softly in a partially strangled voice. "It's not like tha-"

The Chevalier never got to complete his sentence, as the woman dragged him away unceremoniously into a cloud of smoke and wine fumes.

_Joel-san._

Haji peered down at the card.

_**Rose Bleue de la Nuit.**_

_Blue roses..._

-

"There are no blue roses in nature that exist..."

He remembered telling Saya that - a truth and untruth mixed in that inseperable reality. For there was Diva.

_WAS Diva_, Haji reminded himself, as he sat down at a round table in the small quiet cafe. _Had been. Diva was not meant to be, they were not meant to be, or so Saya thought... For we are unnaturel... we are not part of this flow of life..._

He looked up thoughtfully, his eyes focussed on the crowds passing him - the young ladies all brightly dressed up in small skirts, high heels - chattering, laughing. Like Annette, last night - a flower as intoxicating -

_Intoxicated, more like_, Haji sighed.

_Seductive. Apart. Far from me... Just like Kernhikov and his artistic visions... and Andre's desires... the old buildings, the new office sky scrapers... the neon lights and the Roman artifacts..._

_We are not part of this flow of life..._

And Haji recalled the previous night of wine and dancing, the celebratory party - and Joel, who looked so much the same. A little older perhaps, around the edges -

_Like curling parchment under the sun_, Haji smiled at his suddenly poetic thought. _Like the old Joel... Quiet, dignified, the dark brown hair giving away to iron grey. And then, in the future to the white of wisdom. _

"We should not exist," Saya had said. And Kai had stirred Haji - and so, the two men, who loved that bright soul, had fought for that life which should not have existed.

_That was all that Diva wanted, _Haji mused_. She, too, wanted family and love... but vengeance, whether for Chiropteran or human, should not exist. And that is what we fought - we fought for love. To protect... And now... I... I am here, once again alone, at the end of all things..._

_Should I even be here?_

-

"Punctual as usual, I see." Joel's light chuckle broke into Haji's deep (and rather miserable) thoughts. "Amazing for a creature who stands outside of time."

Haji's lips turned down at the corners, in the most subtle of frowns. He felt even more alienated then ever.

_A creature outside of time. A creature that should not exist, perhaps?_

He could still remember Isaac's deep voice, promising just punishment...

**

* * *

****"... they are nothing more than weapons that should be controlled by the humans... although I cannot gaurantee that you will have any freedom, Haji, we definitely won't bring any inconvenience to you."**

**Haji could already feel the chains -**

_**But Saya - but that Hong Kong policeman... they both believed in me - and fought for me, too.**_

**"Hang on! What are you planning to do with Haji?"**

**Haji's eyes slid sideways - at the sound of the Nishi's rough and worried voice.**

**"Of course, he will be... fully protected." Haji could hear the sternness planted on the Red Shield agent's face. "And chained up and put in a cage... what else?"**

**"WHAT?"**

**"Otherwise it is only a matter of time before he begins preying on humans. That's why Haji can't live like an ordinary person. After all, he is a monster that feeds on human blood."**

**-**

**Years later, Haji understood - and yet, still struggled.**

_**A monster... but this label was denied by Kai... by Nishi-san... they said I should be there for her. Forever. **_

_**Tell me, Saya. Kai. Nishi-san. Who can I be?**_

**

* * *

**"I try," Haji said simply, stashing away his conflicted thoughts for another night's meditation. 

"You seemed like you wanted something last night," Joel continued.

The man in the wheelchair turned and waved, a waitress appearing almost instantly to take his order.

"Would you like something, Haji? I am having a latte and a croissant... Croissants with swiss cheese is best... although... I've been hard put to find someone to best Lewis' stew."

"Perhaps... some tea," Haji said softly. "That is all."

The waitress disappeared, leaving the two men in silence.

A pause.

Then:

"I wished advice concerning bank accounts."

"Bank accounts?" asked Joel.

"The Goldschmidts and Goldsmiths dealt with banking, did they not?"

"Ye-es..." Joel hesitated.

"And you understand the intricacies of banking."

"You want a bank account."

"For money," Haji said simply and slowly, as if Joel were a small child.

"I see." Joel nodded. "It's for the money you are raking in as Kernhikov's newest protege. I'd go with Swiss, if I were you. But you need identification and connections... which I have..."

"Yes."

"Very well," the aging director of Red Shield smiled again, as the waitress set down the drinks and the croissants. "Consider it done. I'll have things set up for you within the week. All I'll need from you is your signature, some passwords... some question and answers for security reasons... that sort of thing. What day would work for you?"

Before their meeting had ended, Haji had a date set for the bank and a promise from Joel to keep an eye on Saya and pass on updates, when Haji contacted him.

-

Watching Haji walk away, Joel could only shake his head.

_Throughout the ages, in the ongoing battle against Chiroptera, Saya has been the prime mover and shaker. But behind Saya has always been that support. Silent and steady as a rock. And Vietnam... is a reminder of what the world could be like without Haji._

_I wonder if he knows this... that never before did the world need Saya's chevalier..._

_For so many years, he has lived under the eyes of Red Shield and the everlasting critique... but now, he is stepping out for her. Independent - exploring and experiencing... despite uncertainty and prejudice... despite the fact that he must feel so removed from this world. Always looking in as time passes by for us..._

_Haji, I hope you will remember how pleased Saya will be... if you remain forever... Haji..._

-

"Haji..." Andre stopped the Chevalier as he stepped out the backstage entrance of the theatre. "You are going out tonight?"

"Yes," Haji nodded.

A pause.

"Oh."

"You needed me for something?" Haji turned to face the flamboyant conductor and composer.

Like always, Andre was dressed to the nines. The perfect opposite of the more severe styles of Kernhikov, Andre seemed to always flare with color.

_Like those tiger lilies which Joel-sama loved..._

_But even more like a tiger lily - was Saya on the Vietnam battlefield. Beautiful and wild... and crimson..._

Haji's preoccupation cost him. He turned to find Andre peering down on him from the side, arm already snaked around the shorter Chevalier's waist.

"I just thought we could go out tonight."

A pause.

"Together."

"I'm already engaged with a bank appointment," Haji said stiffly, drawing back. "I took Kernhikov-san and Angela-san's suggestion to heart and hope to open an account."

"What a shame..." Andre sighed. "The Eiffel Tower is beautiful at night..."

Haji nodded agreeably.

"Yes. It is. But I really must go..." He drew away, turned and practically fled.

_What does he see? _Haji wondered.

It was puzzling, not to mention uncomfortable - to feel those eyes. Haji knew what it meant. He had seen it in Nishi's eyes too. And sometimes, in the unguarded looks of his mistress.

_Saya... when you wake... I pray you see me that way... again..._

-

"First and last name," the young banking clerk said kindly, once the Chevalier and Joel-san had been comfortably esconced in a private room.

Haji, looking down at the square boxes, was non-plussed. He looked up at the neatly brushed hair, the straight tie and the gleaming set of large teeth in between. Carefully and quickly, he spelled his name onto the form.

And then stopped.

His last name.

_It's been so long that I've worried about this..._

"It's not important," Joel said kindly, flicking the clerk a cryptical look. "We'll leave that blank for another time."

Haji nodded and moved on, carefully filling in the form - looking at the small sheet with his information on it (kindly provided by Joel).

According to Joel he was 25 years old...

_This is ridiculous_, Haji thought with a small frown. He tried to hide his nervousness, which fluttered like butterflies in his stomach.

He felt as if he were meeting Saya once again. A moment of vulnerability, he decided.

_That's what it is... Living life alone so very long... I guess I'm too close-mouthed for my own good... but... now..._

As he filled out the birthdate, security question and the dates, and then, finally came to the empty line for his signature, Haji felt his grip tighten around the pen.

_Here I go_, he thought. _This is it_.

But another part of him was struck by the hilarity of it - the fact that he was fussing over such a simple thing like a mother hen.

He filled in the blank line with 'Haji'.

_That is all I am_, he thought. _Simply Haji. For Saya... that is enough..._

-

The following night, the curtains rose again. And once again, he found his place on the stage and played for the excited, adoring audience. Through it all, he played for her. And when Andre, Kernhikov and Angie came to him with encouragement and praise, he nodded calmly and found his way back to his dressing room alone.

He didn't mind it now.

_In fact, it is kind of exhilerating_, he thought whimsically, as he unwound the ivy from his hair. _I may not be part of this flow of life - but here...now... I'm living it. For Saya. Just as I promised. I am all that I can be..._

_I am... simply Haji._

-

**Read and Review**

-

**Next chapter: Another part of the tour - and another chance for Haji to remember the past and experience the present. And what about Angie and the rest of the Troupe?**

Coming up (at some point of time) (what to expect in the future): a photograph album. the white horse of england. nazis. david. nathan. cellphones. on the tour bus. and more!


	6. He Stands Out

**THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS! WHO HAVE BEEN SOOO NICE TO ADD ME TO THEIR ALERTS AND FAVS! **

**And especial heartfelt thanks to all those readers who took the time to review!!!**

* * *

Yoru Hana1: Well... I can't tell you everything about what's going to happen - because this is essentially a collection of drabblets that were supposed to be loosely connected - and have only STARTED to make some sense. So... I don't know. But what I do know is that maybe a FEW people might find out he's in love... but NOBODY will meet Saya... maybe they will, but right now, it's 60 percent chance not. Why? Because Haji isn't going to stay with the Troupe. Because he wanders... and he's going to meet other people.

TangoofDoom: Yes. Nathan is coming around... Don't know when... but eventually... as for Andre... yes... I'm a wicked, wicked yaoi girl. So having X/Haji is the BEST!!! And as for the link - I put it on my profile - at the bottom:P Hope that helps you!

9081: Thanks! I hope you like this chapter as well!

sarcasm: I'm glad you enjoy my uke!Haji. He's the best that way! As for the link... you'll see it, if you scroll down!

RaventheDarkAngel: You are an angel. Not only for not demanding Saya right away - but for giving me a great idea. I will definitely write "When Saya Wakes", after this one is done... Whenever that will be! Hahaha! As for Haji, I agree, his life alone would be very... hard. I think it would feel like he's got a hole missing somewhere - since with Saya he is almost telepathically linked to another being. Scary thought. But hopefully you'll enjoy this new installment - and thanks for giving me some ideas for what to consider next!

simmie: the link for the DJ is below. (you'll know it when you see it!) As for the White Horse... LUCKY You!!!! I SO want to see it!!! I'm a huge huge Anglophile (I'm a white Canadian girl, so go fig) - in fact, my main focus (and favorite study) is English Literature from the Medieval period up until the late 1800s. Also stuff like LOTR, HP and Narnia... and stuff like that. I wish I could go visit the White Horse - G.K. Chesterton wrote an amazing poem based on King Alfred and the White Horse. It's called "The Ballad of the White Horse." I SOOO Wish I could see it - just so I can write about it more accurately. I'm gonna have to research it carefully now - seeing as I'm writing for a native! heh heh heh. do you mind if I pump you for info on climate, geography, plant types, people etc around there. I don't want names really - just generalities! Thanks for the compliment on my scribbles - I am first and foremost a writer, as you no doubt can tell - but Haji as the "muse of nature" is too hard to pass up!

arthen: Thanks for the compliments on my "authentic" Haji. It's hard to write for a big fandom like Naruto - but there are challenges in Blood+ too. Like the reactions of otakus versus new otakus... Things like the fact that people want Haji to be some sort of macho man... At any rate, I'm glad you're enjoying this - and I hope this new installment will be just as enjoyable!

lifesdarkfire: Thank you for saying that my stuff is thought provoking. (thinks hard) I am trying my bestest (hahaha!) to make Haji seem really - realistic... and thoughtful. I hope that this chapter will be yet another success!

aldalena: Annette is annoying. Haji agrees. But he's too polite to say so! Hahaha! And plus, I don't think he quite knows how to deal with women (look at Mao). Yes! Haji has a bank account! Now he needs a VISA, and he's all set for online shopping... Hahahaha. Saya will like that when she wakes up! You suck at French too? Great! I'm not alone! hahaha. But French is mandatory in Canada until Grade 9 or 10 or something like that. Which sucks for those of us who suck at French. I am under kakashidiot at **www. anime musicvideos. org**. As for Katsuyuki Konishi... yes! He's Radu from Trinity Blood. The SMEX! And you should check out Oh! Edo Rocket. He's "Genzo" in there - a cross-dressing invisible, mathematically inclined scale repairer. Lol. Konitan has the best roles EVAH! (spreads the Konitan-sama RABU!!!) Hahaha! You are into Yaoi as well? Ha! My fav couples are... anything x/Haji, Kaka/Iru (or the other way around), Ritsuka/Soubi (in that order), Shuichi/Yuki, x/Abel, x/Hugue, x/Tres... and other random pairings... Your review is NOT pointless! It's great to know that people like the same thing I do! Hahaha! Btw, have you heard Katsuyuki Konishi SING? As, say, Soubi?

sexyinumama: I'm glad you're hooked and enjoying it! I hope you like this installment!

writingmuse: I'm beginning to feel that there is this huge hole in Blood+ that needs to be filled. It's what I'm going to call from now on - the X/Haji Yaoi hole. Well... for me, I don't see Haji as a consensual yaoi partner... although I could see him doing something out of either naivete, gratitude (owing something)... or... for practical spy-type reasons. As for non-consensual (which I like to dabble in), I'd totally do shouta-con stuff like Amshel/Haji (with Saya/Haji for the H/C part)... or Nathan/Haji (more or less crack...) and any of the male Schiff/Haji... for pure slashy slash. Hahahaha! The possibilities are endless if you look at it that way. And then there's Nishi-san from "City of the Nightwalkers"... He was ogling Haji's chest at one point. Naked chest, I might add... sooooo... hmmm... yes. If you're reading yaoi... it's prolly me just experimenting. For shounen-ai, you really might want to check out "waiting for you", on my profile. As for your fangirl craze, I suggest you nurture it. If there are more demands out there - people will start to write it! I'm glad (and honored) that you find my writing to be "beautiful" - sometimes I don't know what the heck I'm writing... but I'm sure it all pays out in the end! (smiles) I hope you enjoy this new chappie!

Vampyro Teuthis: I'm SO GLAD you enjoyed this and reviewed to tell me so! It's great to see that people are enjoying these little drabblety things!

studdedmisfit: Thank you for reviewing and telling me that my Haji characterization is canon! You don't know how much that means to me! I hope you enjoy the new chapter of memory and angst!

flames chaos and wolf: How am I going to deal with that eternal question of them figuring out why he doesn't age? Well... sadly, this story is angsty, with hope blended in. Angsty, because this is not about Haji finding a home or a place to call his own - merely, it will be a series of chapters on showing how Haji has to constantly struggle to fit in - and when it doesn't work out - he has to move on.

textwolf: As a writer and reader of Naruto fanfictions (and other Moronic shows), I am glad you are finding a 'brief' respite with this fanfic. I do agree that Naruto and other (Moronic) shows do engender alot of psychotic stuff - and crack - and yaoi and 'cest fics that might turn the hair of a normal person... but who am I to judge, since I have also participated in some of said crack and yaoi? (not the incest tho - ew!) Hahaha. Yes. My fav in Naruto is actually Kakashi (considering my name, that's a given. hahaha!) But Haji needs serious treatment as all angsty bishies must... and I'm sure sometime in the future, I will succumb to Haji crack... but now is not the time! I am very honored to receive your compliments and encouragement, and I hope this new chappie does not disappoint.

Nicholas Curree: Thanks for reviewing! I'm always glad to hear from new faces (so to speak). I'm glad that you are enjoying this Haji-centric drabblet collection - and hope that you enjoy this new update!

msviral: For the link you desire, read this whole document. Those who seek, will find. (wink wink)

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**FOR MY HAJI FANART (for those who couldn't follow the link last time - paste the following into your URL browser and remove the spaces!): http // senbonbongenma .livejournal .com /23799 .html # cutid2**

**Warnings: Angst. Flashbacks. Mild Angie/Haji.**

**I do not own Blood+. This is the property of... I dunno... but it's not mine.**

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****When Saya Sleeps**

**Chapter 6**

**He Stands Out**

He found himself watching her again. Watching her, as he always had, from the sidelines. Or, as David-san would say, the peripheral.

After Vietnam - and the tragic battle that had taken place there - Haji had gotten used to the uncomfortable eyes of the Red Shield.

_You are pivotal_, they had argued. _As Saya's Chevalier. As Saya's Chosen One_.

Anger had tightened in his throat, spreading hotly over him - his newly wrapped fist clenched. There, on the battlefield as they carted off Saya to who knows where - he watched the helicopter disappear with dread - there, they attempted to do damage control. Somewhere in between 'secure Saya', 'bury the dead' and 'remove the injured', Haji's retrieval was on the list. Ensuring his presence as always, they merely wanted to tidy away their assets, as it were.

He understood that. _But still..._

So he said nothing, biting back the bile of rage and bitterness.

_Pivotal? More like a tool for you to use, then cast away... A weapon to lock up and experiment on on - seen as nothing more than a - a - a THING._

_Chosen One? Hardly._

Sitting there, watching Saya and Kai tease each other, Haji sighed with something that felt like envy. Riku, bustling around with a platter of food, more like a mother hen than a young boy, smiled sideways at the silent Chevalier. Haji's eyes slid away before the apology in the young boy's eyes.

Sitting there, watching... He could remember so vividly the rock crumbling out from under his hand - clutching the flower - falling back -

Falling - looking up -

And seeing her -

_Saya -_

_Why are you crying?_

And then there was the dark.

When he woke, he was alone. Against all odds, he had survived. Against all laws of nature, he was living.

Nothing would be the same.

_Choice? Hardly? There had only been darkness and Saya. _

Red Shield was being intelligent, taking him for their own. Experimenting and learning about the Chiropteran race was necessary in the battle against Diva. Even more important - discussing and exploring the opportunities for those human-not-human.

_You have a pivotal role, Haji_, they had said.

But watching her from the sidelines, he doubted that.

_It is Saya - Saya is all that matters... And I -_

_I -_

_I am -_

_Nothing._

-

He found himself much later, once again finding comfort in the soothing familiar melody. The gentle, yet complex strains of Bach soaked into the humid jungle of Vietnam. Sounding out of place - odd, considering the surroundings -

_Just as I am out of place..._

He looked up - there she stood, silent. Looking lost amidst the tangle of heavy dark leaves - the strange flora and fauna now finding place in what had been the site of many atrocities. Saya stood there, her brown eyes wide - trembling as if she had seen a ghost.

"Saya -" Haji said softly, rising to pack his instrument away. "Are you -"

Her small hand reached out - fumbled - then, found security in a firm grip on his jacket sleeve.

He looked down as she looked up. Their eyes met. Then his gaze fell to her small hand gripping his cuff.

"You always did that," he said softly. "When you were worried - or scared... I remember -"

"Haji," she smiled softly, sadly. "You were always there for me... Even when I forget, you never do. I feel bad - to forget someone who must have been so important to me..."

Haji's lips turned up in a small, forgiving smile.

"Saya... I'll never forget the most important person to me -"

_Even if I am forgotten -_

_Used and cast away -_

"That which is precious to me... will never be forgotten."

_Let me be that precious person to you once again. Just one more time..._

"Haji -"

"Haji," her voice echoed. "HAJI!"

"HAJI!"

A bright cheerful voice jerked Haji unpleasantly to the present. He turned his blind gze from the window to the pretty, round vivacious face now close to his.

_Angela._

"Gomen," Haji apologized softly. "Did you say something?"

"Not really," Angela stared curiously at the absent-minded Chevalier. "Just wanted to know what you'd like for lunch."

Haji blinked suddenly aware of the relative silence on the bus.

"Whatever you think is best, Angela-san," he replied meekly, hoping his answer would appease their curiousity. "I'm not too picky..."

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed money discretely changing hands.

_Far from appeasing their curiousity... _

"Surely you have a favorite food," pressed the girl. "We've been a week on the road now - and you haven't spoken up yet..."

Haji's eyebrows knit together ever so slightly as he thought hard.

_What to say... and that exchange of money... are they betting on me?_

If he hadn't been a Chevalier, Haji would have broken out in a cold sweat.

But Chevalier don't worry about things like that.

Of course not.

No.

He was NOT at all stressed by a young woman's innocent question...

_Was it innocent?_

Suddenly he wished mind-reading skills came with the Chevalier abilities... but he knew that other than Saya's needs, he had no true insight into the wants of a normal human being. What this girl wanted from him... from torturing him with little things like this...

_Haji, what's your favorite toothpaste?_

_Do you think this mascara looks good on you?_

_Have you ever thought about straightening your hair?_

_What do you think of emo?_

_If you had a choice... would you choose Andre or Annette?_

_It's been so long since I've had to consider things like these... And as for food..._

He remembered Kai's overcooked omelets and before that... Lewis' stew... and before that... Nishi-san's tv dinners... and long before that... Joel's lavish dinners and somewhere, locked away in a neglected boys memory - the black bread of his gypsy mother...

His favorite...

He remembered the jam Saya had so enjoyed on that fateful picnic so long ago. Since then food held nothing for him -

"I have no favorite food," he admitted to Angela softly, giving her a small, hopefully quelling look.

Angela leaned back with a sigh.

More money changed hands.

Haji sweatdropped.

_I should not have forgotten how strange the music culture of Europe is..._

The tour bus settled on a roadside cafe - Haji accepted the baguette with silent gratefulness and disappeared into the adjacent field. As he threw the bread at the birds, and picked at the meat, he wondered if whole tour thing would actually work. How long before they figured out what he was?

-

He never totally felt comfortable on the Tour Bus either. It was a long, black sleek automobile - and extremely comfortable by bussing standards (if Angie was correct). The plush navy seats were wide and comfortable, the small bathroom was readily accessible at the back - and for tired performers, the tinted windows meant priacy and semi-darkness which was perfect for napping in.

Not that Haji napped.

His fingers itched for his bow and cello. But both were comfortably stashed away in the bottom of bus, under his feet somewhere... Right next to the purring engine. It was unsettling - the idea that his treasures were not close by for him to keep care of -

That and the fact that he had nothing to do to pass the time as he waited for arrival.

_I should perhaps find a suitable book to read_, he decided as he stared out at the passing scenery.

This time it was a small town. A busy town full of different kinds of people living cheek by jowl, where rolling hills and large pastures had been, now stood tall apartment buildings, flat tarmac roads and bustling shops. It was a bit overwhelming... And familiar...

_How many towns have I passed through that looked like this? _The Chevalier wondered. _Always seeing this kind of life in passing... Passing through..._

It reminded him of his rather depressed thoughts back at the cafe, several days ago.

_There is no place for me... I've always been on the go. But traveling on this bus is different. When Saya was asleep all those past years, I would walk this earth - the ground firm beneath my feet... as if just being there, I would be firmly anchored to this world I don't seem a part of anymore..._

_The Tour Bus... and before that_, he remembered stiffly riding in the sleek, anonymous-looking sedans provided by the Red Shield. Once David had offered to teach Haji how to drive...

Haji had just stared at him.

_Although Kai was always excited about learning... it must be a young man sort of thing_, Haji decided.

In the reflection of the window, he could see a faint outline of himself.

_I am also young... but so old... I've traveled on many things - having more experience than the boy can even imagine. Before the sedans, before the Russian train with the cramped cabins... Even there I was able to play my cello..._

Haji sighed and turned his mind away, considering all of the times he had rode, walked... stood guard for Saya.

From the small boat in Vietnam to the smelly pig truck in Southern France... And before that, the small carriage Joel had provided for Saya and Haji to ride around in, although the horses were often spooked by the young girl. Haji smiled fondly remembering the day a horse master had been brought to train the two young adults. Only Haji had enjoyed the feeling of the horse between his legs as he lept over hurdle after hurdle. For once, Saya had stood on the outside, looking in.

_"You are a natural, Master Haji," the man had smiled gruffly behind a grey bushy beard. "The horse really likes you... And you ride well... Maybe it's something from yer family?"_

_Haji had clammed up suddenly._

_"Yes... perhaps," he smiled weakly, hoping that he wasn't being impolite._

_Yes. _Before that was the family he tried hard not to think of. The small roving band of gypsys which he had called family..._ Performers - in a way, very much like this Troupe - singing, dancing, play acting, circus performing - until laws had bound them and enslaved them..._

The reminder weighed on his heart - but also brought some consolation.

_One time, long ago, I too had a family... and even today, I have a place in the world - with Saya. Didn't David say that I made a place for myself everywhere?_

-

"This ride wasn't too bad," Angie said, stretching her neck with a sigh, as she looked around them. "Calais is a great town, you know. Lots of things we can do here... and before you know it, we'll be in England, and then in Scotland."

She paused, as if waiting for him to say something in return.

Haji merely looked around with quiet curiousity.

_It's been a while since I've been here..._

"Hopeless..."

"Eh, Angela-san?"

"Nothing, Haji, nothing. It's just... do you find the bus tiring?"

"The bus..." Haji stared at the vehicle in question.

_Is it possible for a Chevalier to view automobiles with loathing? Was it unbecoming? Immature? It has done me no harm..._

_Merely trapped you for insanely long hours doing NOTHING_, retorted another part of himself. It sounded alot like Kai.

He smiled to himself.

"No, not particularly, Angela-san," he replied. "I don't drive alot, that must be it."

"Eh? You don't like driving?"

"Oh... no..." Haji suddenly wished the pestering female FAR AWAY from him.

"Goodness... I can hardly wait to get back home - get my car back on the road... Be my on my own again," she sighed. "Have you ever enjoyed driving down an empty country lane... letting the wind whip your hair back... It feels like you could fly!"

Haji tried to imagine driving down an empty country lane with his hair flying free in the wind - and failed.

"No."

"Oh."

A thoughtful silence.

"Why not?"

_Because -_

_Because - _

Because there had been no time to enjoy himself. If he wasn't working for the Red Shield, he was on the run from them. If he wasn't fighting Chiropterans, he was... practicing his cello for Saya.

_Once again, because of Saya..._

_Would Saya like to drive down a country lane and feel the wind in her hair? She liked riding Kai's motorcycle..._

"Things happened," replied Haji truthfully.

"I see," Angela said, not really seeing at all.

Then she remembered... what Anton and Claude had mentioned off hand -

"We found him in a park," they said. "Playing for money."

"Kernhikov just... picked him off the street," Anton had sniffed. "But he's good... so..."

_So... Haji's never driven - because he's never owned a car. He's... a - a - bum? Or should I say... homeless person? Is there any polite way to say that? Errr..._

Angela flushed with embarassment.

"I guess... it's because of your - er - Bohemian - er - um... you know... lifestyle, right?"

"Bohemian... lifestyle?" asked Haji, blinking in puzzlement.

"Yes! That's it! But don't worry! In Scotland we'll go golfing - and I'll teach you to drive the cart... and maybe you'll decide you like driving! How's that?"

"Angela-san..." He said feebly - but she was already flying off (with a red face) to oversee the unpacking of her makeup kits.

_Bohemian lifestyle?_

"Don't worry, Haji," she called over her shoulder. "You'll enjoy yourself!"

And he did.

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****Read and Review!!!!!**

**Very cheap payment for free entertainment! (how's that for a fancy shmancy jingle?)**

**AN: This started out as an angsty piece and then became something else... I even had "Innisfree" by Yeats lined up. But it was not to be. At any rate, Haji driving a golfing cart is going to be conjured sometime soon. (Sooner, hopefully, than later). As for a plot... I don't know. I'm still trying to think on something... but this was just going to be a depot for drabblets on Haji... and now I've written some full-blown chapters with no direction in mind!!! ACK! And as much as Saya/Haji is a nice pairing, I'm not going to bring this fic down by having her magically appear to make everything right. Haji needs to learn to be independent, I think, before he gains her respect as a mate (as opposed to a guard/protector/partner). **

**I could go into my issue about pairings and how Westerners (speaking as a white Canadian tho) don't seem to understand the usage of "/". You don't know how many Hermione/Snape's I've read in hopes of an interesting story, only to find out that they are Snape/Hermione. [sigh**

**Also, I mentioned that Haji is gypsy. This isn't canon (not according to Wikipedia)... however... for some reason, it just seems right to me. Why do I think he's gypsy? Well... his name, mostly. And don't worry - I'm going to be broaching that eventually as well!**

**Such dedication to read my author's note! Here's a prize for you! **  
http// www. megaupload. com?d JITNABFP  
**Hope you enjoy the next installment. I don't know what it's going to be about exactly. Something to do with England, I think. Perhaps... We'll see...**


	7. He Deals With His Past: Part 1

**EDIT: To remove Diva's name, as commedia suggested, it's inconstant with canon. Also, is anybody else unhappy about my replies to reviewers and my comments being added to my stories?**

**Thanks to all those people who reviewed!!! I hope you enjoy this chapter!!!**

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commedia: Yeah. I want Haji to shine! But I also want him to angst!!! lol. 

gyuunmaesan: Haji I think is very much a robot. (in the sense that if he had a remote control device - it would be in Saya's hands... tee hee hee...) But that is part of the sadness of the show, I think. If we want to read deeper into the story, Haji is a victim as much as Lulu is. But what we see is always from Saya's perspective - we never get to see how HE felt about things. And to be honest, he can't really say, because I think alot of his humanity was lost, one way or another... Hope this chappie helps with that a little! Also, I'm afraid the link disappeared on the review. You might have to PM me with the link (but remember to put appropriate SPACING in the link itself...)

riha: thank you! I hope you enjoy!

een nihc: Thanks again! I'm glad you're enjoying the Haji-ness of this story! And I'm glad that my OOCs aren't annoying! I'm depending on you to smack me anytime Angela gets more ideas than she should... ;p

kristin: I really appreciate your input! I love hearing from new people! And thanks for reminding me about Haji's dialogue with Lulu. I went back and rewatched that arc again... and you were right! Somewhere along the way I had forgotten that dialogue, but had remembered the gist. :) You don't know how much I appreciate the reminder!!!

sexyinumama: Hahahaha!!! Yes! That would be a really funny scenario... (Imagines them upside down in a ditch). LOL!!! I think Haji has to have some failings... lol. However... the golf cart will be coming in the future... right now... pull out the hankies!!!

EvilS: Thanks for favoriting the story AND for reviewing! I'm glad to see that others want to know what Haji is thinking. :P I think that this time for him alone should be fruitful. lol... I'm glad you want to continue to review!!!

TangooFDoom: LOL. Yes. I know. What misinterpretations Haji must get! More to come!

TextWolf: No. It's okay. Really. I feel honored that you find me and my rather wacked out writing style good. Sometimes reading other people's stuff I wonder how it is possible that people still want to read my stuff. :P I'm not sure that I can see Haji driving either. But one thing I'm certain is that if he DOES drive - it will be understated and competent... somehow... After a lot of practice!!!

Raven the Dark Angel: Thanks for the heads up. As I told kristin (above), I knew that he was gypsy, but I forgot the basis for my theory. lol. And of course Wikipedia is really behind re the Blood+ fandom. Ah well. So I went and rewatched the middle of the show and got back on track. lol. such is the fanficcer's life. :P However, after research, I decided that his gypsy group was no doubt sold as a whole batch. The atrocities towards gypsies historically is as bad (if not worse) than the treatment of the Canadian native. :( The idea of Haji being sold by his parents seems really really angsty... but I decided for a less angsty idea... just because deeper angst, h/c, amshel/Haji stuff should be written seperately. Haji is socially challenged - and he needs to gain independence. your reading of Haji coincides with mine which is soooo nice:) There's nothing worse than a socially competent Haji in fanfiction. :( :( As for plot. Yeah. Nothing is coming to mind - but I think that fits this fic just fine. Thanks for your ideas. I hope this chapter will leave you excited! (wink wink, nudge nudge)

simmie: Thanks for your description of the "White Horse" area. I'm saving it for later (and will give proper credit as is due:p) I am indeed familiar with the "mother goose" rhyme - and the little song that you can sing with it... I'm wondering how I can tie the historical significance of that rhyme to Haji... we will see what happens. :) How long have I been interested in England? Since I started to read Arthur Ransome's "Swallows and Amazons". I loved that series - and I progressed onward through Enid Blyton, Francis Hodgson Burnett, C.S. Lewis, J.R.R.Tolkien, Edward Lear, Dick Francis, Dorothy Dunnett, Ellis Peters, Shakespeare, Charles Dickens... G.K. Chesterton... and many many others. I guess I love history - and although I am aware that every place on this planet HAS a history - natives and french people never excite me the way Blood Mary does. :) I'm just weird that way. Right now, I'm studying Old English (which is older than Middle English, which is found in the Canterbury Tales). I love Chaucer and Donne... and all those old writers - but there's something about Old English that is so beautiful. Hearing Beowulf and Caedmon's Hymn in that language... sends shivers up and down my spine. :) :) One day I hope to visit England and walk on the same ground my heroic authors walked. As for Niagara Falls. It's beautiful and powerful to look at. It makes you think in a different way. While England makes you think of the culture of man and the birthplace of thought, looking at Canadian scenery makes you feel small. Everything about Canada is big - I hope you do come over. I think it's a great place to be (if not, visit, at least)! WW1 and WW2 is exciting. I like Jeeves and Wooster (1920s) and stuff like that... like Dorothy Sayers novels which were set between the two wars. About the "prize" - you are welcome!

kagome: thank you sooo much for the praise! (bows) Sometimes I wonder if I'm waaayyy off base - but it seems that alot of people are enjoying it... so.. yeah... :) I'm not sure if this story will stay funny (or just get more angsty) - but hopefully you'll enjoy the continual delving and exploring of haji's personality!

Flames Chaos and Wolf: Gypsy. Hm. Yes. He tells Lulu in one of the middle episodes that "I am of travelling folk". So... yeah... (see my explanation after the story).

Arthen: Hahahaha! Thanks! Kakashidiot, Haji's Official Biographer!!! Haji: (gives a small cough) I'm in your hands... Kakashidiot: (rubs hands evilly) My chance at making him the most angsty chara in history. Haji: (sweatdrops) Errr... Hahahahahaha. At any rate, I hope you enjoy the upcoming peep into his past! Tell me if you think it's off or spot on!!! I appreciate your crit and your encouragement!!!!

9081: You know what? That's just fine! Telling me it's great just makes me happy to know I'm on the right path and people are enjoying my work! I hope you enjoy this chappie!

Vampyro: Hahaha... Yeah. Not this chappie tho. He was to get through France first... . ;;; lol. I'm sure that he'll enjoy himself though when he tries out new things. He'd better... . :;; Hope you enjoy this angsty installment!

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I do not own Blood+. It belongs to another lucky person... sigh I wish I could own Haji tho... 

**Warning: ANGST! CHILD ABUSE, SLAVERY! Saya/Haji, mild Amshel/Haji.**

**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!! This author does not justify the actions of individuals against the gypsy race, nor does she sanction such racist attitudes towards different racial groups. This author is merely attempting some form of historical correctness. **

**I also apologize to people who live in Calais...**

**Also, if you read the WHOLE THING... there is discussion about another "prize"...**

**Read below the story for more details!**

**READ AND REVIEW! Cheap payment for free entertainment!!!**

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When Saya Sleeps

Chapter 7

He Deals With The Past: Part 1 

Calais. A city of history. History - so long ago, this bustling city had been birthed - long before even his time. Underneath his feet, as in Paris, Haji could feel the ancient past looming. But where he had found comfort in the cobblestones of France's capital, in Calais, he could only see the marketplace. A time of darkness. The low flat green hills surrounding the area, the majestic iron and stone statues of soldiers and dignitaries long gone, the crumbling ruins of once warmly occupied castles brought no comfort to the celloist.

He could only see the marketplace.  
He could only remember Amshel.

_**I met you and the past came back to life in my dead heart.**_

Amshel, flicking the horse crop, felt cheerful. It had been quite awhile since he had left Joel's estate. The feel of the horses along the reins, the cheery buzz of cicadas and the comforting rattle of the phaeton relaxed the scientist a little, as he made his way past the large wrought iron gates and out onto the dusty main road.

_

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"We'll need a specimen for breeding," Joel had said delicately a month before. "I know there is to be a good sale up north in Calais. Ships from around the world will be there, Amshel. You should go. It would be good for you to get out."  
"A week..."  
"Well... perhaps a bit longer. It will take you a little while to get there, wouldn't it? And I want you to take your time. We want a hardy boy, with some spirit. But nothing too common, no? It is so hard to get these things right... we need something perfect. For Saya... and for the other..." Joel rose and walked to the window, smiling down at the young girl waving an epee at her instructor rather wildly. "Saya needs somebody with accomplishment... but for her sister..."  
"I see..."  
"I'm sure that you will pick someone suitable, Amshel... and ensure he knows his place by the time he arrives here, of course."  
"It will be done," Amshel smiled. "He will be trained by the time he passes through those gates, mark my words. How old should he be?"  
"Around ten, perhaps? We don't want something too old... nor too young... something in between... something small, something... malleable."  
"Very well."  
"What do you think... after the first phase of the current experiment?"  
"If our experiment holds, then I can go at the end of the month."  
"Good. Just what I want for her..." Joel turned back to look at his OTHER young "experiment", now viciously attack the legs of her instructor. "It will all work out. We just need to pick the right one..."

* * *

Something suitable, eh, Joel. Something accomplished, yet, malleable. Not too young, not too old. Something for my beautiful specimen... and for Saya. You can never ask too much, eh, old man...  
_  
Calais was busy when Amshel arrived... and finding room at a tavern was rather difficult. The scientist was not the only person there for the large slave sales held there. It wasn't hard to follow the crowd out to the sales grounds - and there he was met with a sight of unwashed, disgruntled, pathetic and scared flocks of people being overlooked by beefy guards and contemptuous would-be owners. 

_The lowest of the low, eh_, Amshel mused to himself. _If there was an evolutionary scale - where would these ones fit?_

He wrinkled his nose at a particularly exotic batch of Far East children and some Timbuctoo savages. Unwashed... rather starved and scraggly, they did not look like fit specimens for Saya OR her sister. No. Joel would be expecting something of higher caliber.

_Still... dirt comes off, and manners can be beaten into the body at worst... and they come cheapily...  
_  
During the next two days, he flipped through greyish paper "catalogues" and assessed the bones and teeth of the unwashed masses before him. When evening drew to a close, Amshel made his way back to the tavern, still dissatisfied. He had heard a rumor about a new batch of slaves coming in the next day. There was time enough to consider new offers. He would take his time.

_This boy has to be... perfect...  
_  
The next morning, after his breakfast, Amshel once again made his way to the marketplace. Instead of the cheery sunlight filtering through clouds, the sky was overcast and gloomy giving everything an extra amount of grubbiness and greyness. However, the possibility of rain didn't stop Amshel from running his careful eye over the newest crowds just come in overnight.

Most of the slaves looked dead on their feet. Just recently forced from cramped quarters on a creaky ship, still sea-sick and wobbly from the long journey around the Spanish main, the gypsies, heathens and arab girls didn't look their freshest...

Amshel could only shake his head.

_I want fire... Joel needs something... special.._

"What's gonna happen to the women?" Amshel drawled, eyeing a particularly curvaceous young girl. The foreman winked at the sight of the scientist's smirk.

"Hm... well... most of the young girls will be taken in by Europe's brothels. The women... there are those who need aid in the gardens, the fields... even laundry rooms... dye works..."

Amshel's critical eye wandered over the group of women. Not that Joel NEEDED a woman, but the sight of long hair, cherry cheeks and generous bosoms was enough to make the more or less celibate man excited. A young boy was clinging desperately through the rough wooden fence to the hand of what looked like his mother. Their dark hair was very much alike - but it was perhaps the bright green eyes which drew his gaze to them.

She was trembling, and the young child seemed to be trying to soothe her. But behind his quiet green eyes, Amshel was sure he saw fear...

"Somethin' came through, mon ami," a short blonde man jogged up. "Pick twenty of them. Healthy ones for the Monseigneur..."

"Very well," sighed the foreman, waving a hand lazily.

Amshel stood back to watch. The daughters crying and yelling in various tongues as they were seperated from their mothers, grandmothers, aunts...

_Like the bears in the mountains_, he thought, _enraged at seperation from their family..._

The boy's mother was dragged away, their hands able to cling only for the moment. She was crying his name over and over. Amshel watched with interest as small fists clenched. In a flash, the gypsy slave was straddling the fence and running -

The guards picked him up and tossed him back easily, like a feather, onto the ground.

"Momma! Momma! Moooommmaaa!!!!"

There was rage and despair.

"A mea bebe! Haji! Ha -"

"Mooommaaa!!!"

Two burly arms lifted the wildly kicking child off the ground, slinging him roughly back over the fence - into the waiting arms of two very cross guards. Amshel glimpsed enraged green eyes looking up from the mud of the pen, before a rough boot mashed the young boy's face into the grime. After several minutes of kicking the young gypsy around, the slavers left yelling not-so-idle threats.

There was no response on the boy's side. But Amshel waited. Waited for the tell-tale tightening of the fingers as the boy's fingers twitched and tightened with returning consciousness - as he propped himself up on his elbows, glaring at the sympathetic eyes of others around him. Long chestnut hair fell in muddy clumps from his no longer neat pony tail... No doubt he stunk high as heaven... they all did...

Amshel's lip curled as he watched the boy wobble slightly on his feet, wiping blood away from his face and nose.

_Joel... I think I found him._

_**... there are days, the transient hour ...  
**_  
Haji closed his eyes to the monument Angie had dragged him out to see. The museums, the architecture, the green trees and the grey sky. It was too much like those hellish days so long ago.

_It's almost as if it were yesterday..._

_Almost as if it was yesterday when he took me out of that pen - his broad hand on my neck. Promising me something - something perhaps I didn't want. And his eyes..._

* * *

"What are you thinking?" the cool amused voice asked, making the young child shiver. 

"Nothing..." The boy swallowed. "Sir." His thin arms wrapped around his equally skinny legs, still bare underneath the shabby tunic and torn short pants.

To Amshel's critical eye, he seemed delicate. He would never have guessed the boy held a strong fire inside him - but he knew that the loyalty would come in handy. If Saya bent him to her will, he would be hers forever.

_I am sure... Boy_, Amshel smirked. _Saya... and even her sister... will make you forget that mother of yours... hmmm?_

"You are ignorant. You must learn this. You are nothing. You must also learn this." Amshel paused, watching the fine thin fingers of the boy drift down the red weals on his shins to wrap around the hobble trapping his ankles. "Do you understand?"

Wind rattling at the creaky shutters broke the silence. Then:

"Yes... sir..." The young boy muttered from behind his bony knees.

"Hm. Good. Things could be worse. I want you to think on that tonight."

Amshel left the room, the child chained to the bed post. A necessary precaution. The young gypsy might LOOK as though the wind would blow him away, but Amshel knew that he very well might be capable of escaping again that day. After a fine dinner (even more satisfying since his task had been completed in record time), Amshel found some entertainment next door and stumbled into the room very late that evening and rolled onto the bed.

The boy was satisfyingly silent.

_It's really been too good of a day_, thought Amshel before darkness claimed him.

The next morning, Amshel woke to a blinding headache and a bad temper. He glared at the sullen boy. The young gypsy in question was tired, depressed, filthy and hungry - his bright green eyes now darkened to a dull pine color. Sighing, the scientist dragged himself out. When he reappeared, he was in another suit, feeling more refreshed after a handy remedy he had packed with him - and a small breakfast which he knew would calm his stomach.

He set his leftovers on the table in an elaborately obvious and tantalizing manner, watching the boy's wolvish eyes rest on the thick slice of buttered bread and eggs.

"It is time for me to impress upon you your future role," the scientist said coolly, catching the gypsy's eye.

"I'm to be your servant?" the boy bit out.

"Hm. No. You are to be the servant of a girl."

Haji stared at the scuffed clogs on his feet.

"A GIRL?" he asked, his young voice squeaking in dismay and mild panic.

"Yes. You are the property of a very important man. You will call him Mister Goldschmidt. And the young lady you are to be companion to is called Saya. When you arrive at the mansion, I want you on your best behavior. No running away. No disrespectfulness, inattentiveness... Otherwise, I can just sell you back to the nearest ship passing by Marseilles. You understand?"

"Yes..."

"Yes SIR!" Amshel repeated severely, a large hand following hard on his correction.

Fingering his reddened, stinging cheek, the boy shrank back. "Yes, sir."

"Now... I want to know about you. Everything. I talked to the foreman of the group. Seems like you and your family were important in this roving band of savages..."

"We aren't savages..."

The boy's eyes watered at the sting of Amshel's palm across his other cheek.

"NO Interruptions!"

"Yes, sir," came the soft, quick reply.

"What's your name? If it isn't suitable, Mister Joel and I are going to change it... but we might as well hear it..."

"Haji -"

"Haji... Hn..." The dark eyebrows of the scientist drew together in thought. "Haji... It's not so bad. I think Mister Joel will be pleased... but... still..."

He leaned forward, Haji stiffened.

"What else can you tell me, boy?" Calculating eyes seemed to strip him bare.

* * *

To this day, Haji knew he would always hate the feeling. _Even now in Calais, long after the turmoil..._

The feelings of those eyes. Haji felt them not only in Amshel's eyes - but in the clever eyes of Isaac. His keepers had always seemed to look at him in the same way Amshel would look at a butterfly collection...

_What am I to you?_ He always asked that, fearing the answer.

_You are Saya's Chevalier_, they answered. _The only one. The special one..._

_

* * *

You are the BRIDEGROOM_, Amshel had confided in the young gypsy one night on the way back to the mansion. In the older man's eyes there was the fervour of anticipation - and jealousy. Haji had been frightened since the severe interrogation he had received under Amshel... 

_But now it would get better, surely? All he had to do was listen to a girl and do as she said... and one day... _

It seemed vague to him. He remembered his mother telling him that he would find a pretty girl and dance with her on their wedding day.

And now here he was - being carried away - bought like a horse or cow for a girl. _Would he have to dance with her? _

He huddled in the back of the phaeton, feeling more trapped than ever. The shackles didn't seem so heavy the day before... but now...

Maybe it was the overload of information now on his shoulders. The fear of the Mansion and The Girl. Or perhaps, it was the hard look in Amshel's eyes, promising punishment. Or the Jealousy deep down. Would Joel be like the scientist? Taunting, clever and cold?

Haji shivered, remembering the burning feeling of humiliation as he begged the man for a piece of bread. His father would disown him if he knew how spineless his boy had become. Other things had hurt too - but those -

Haji clenched his eyes shut.

_Let me forget..._

_

* * *

Why do I have to remember? _

Haji left the gardens in silence. Nothing that Angela said could bestir him out of his memories. Bitter, bitter thoughts that threatened to overwhelm the lonely Chevalier. The platitudes of a young girl, who's main worry in life was if his mascara didn't clump, couldn't possibly understand.

"Haji seems... quieter..." An oboeist noted at lunch, cocking an eye over to the celloist's small, silent trailer. "I didn't think it was possible until today..."

"Maybe he's sick..." suggested a chorus girl.

"Or on the run from some debtors," chuckled one of the devilish buisnessmen. "I know that feeling..."

Everybody tried to imagine Haji running from debtors.

"But he's already poor," Angela argued. "He's not driven a CAR yet... so he can't be in debt like that. Maybe... it's the town. He was fine before we came here..."

The Devilish Buisnessman shrugged.

"People have histories, Angela. When they come to this company, it's not like they are newborn babies. No matter how cute and innocent they may seem..." The older man sighed. "We come to this company out of desperation or desire - some to get money, some to forget things, some to leave a darker home and past... There are as many reasons as there are people, I think. Let it alone, Angela. Somethings aren't meant to be discovered. Some things are better forgotten."

"Well... I just hope he's fine for the performance tonight..." Anton said from behind a sandwich as he sat down at the rickety table. "I guess this is the day we're going to see if he's a pro or not tonight."

_**... when suddenly spring wafts again - and something stirs in us...**_

In the dark silence of Nature's Muse scene, he drew the bow back in a long quavering sigh and then downward as the higher notes lilted down in a bass waterfall... A waterfall over the ears of the audience. Ecstatic silence fell as an unspoken story unfolded...

* * *

Joel talking over his head, backlit ominously by bright lights coming from what looked like a castle to Haji's wide eyes. 

"So this was your choice, eh, Amshel?"

"Yes, he... has more to him than he looks. He'll last. I'll make sure he lasts..." The deep voice rumbled in dark laughter above him, the large hands tightening painfully around Haji's bony shoulders.

"But he looks -"

"Nothing that a bath and a tailor won't fix. I suggest he meets Saya tomorrow - when he's looking more civilized."

"Good plan, Amshel. Good plan. Well... let's get him inside, now, shall we? Get a better look at him..." A more aristocratic hand, gentler and lighter steered the boy away from the scientist and up the stairs to the large mansion. "Don't worry... what was your name again?"

"Haji, sir," gulped the young gypsy.

"Haji, hm?" Joel turned to look down at the long, matted chestnut hair, the thin face, wide green eyes and clenched fists. "Now that's a nice name. Amshel call you that?"

"It's my OWN," emphasized the boy, holding back tears in the face of kindness. He would not dishonor his family any further - he would not cry. He would not remember those now left far behind.

_Father, somewhere on Sicily. Mother... somewhere in France... his sisters and brothers... dispersed no doubt by now over the continent..._

"I see... 'Haji'..."

There was a silence.

"'Pilgrim' in some languages... One who wanders... One who goes on a long journey... From the word 'hadj' - a long trip all followers of Mohammed must take. To the great Mecca..."

Haji frowned.

_Mecca? Pilgrim? What was the old codger blathering on about?_

"In some languages it is the root for 'beginning'... 'Haji'... what a great name. It shows alot of promise. A good start for this life. Here is where you will learn what you could not before - food and clothes and a roof over your head. As a gypsy savage, I'm sure you understand what that means -"

Haji bit back a retort.

_I was happy before. Yes, we didn't live in castles or have big estates to rule over. But we were happy. Happy to have a small troupe - to travel every year - to perform. To dance - to scrounge - to beg - to steal - to play and sing... But we were happy... because we were together..._

Joel was gestulating a hand out toward the large estate, talking excitedly about a girl named Saya and the opportunities Haji would have.

Haji could see nothing.

Only the dark.

Tears rolled down his cheeks.

* * *

The cello moaned as if in pain, as the bandaged hand played out the memories of the past. Pouring them out through invisible sounds and notes... Incomprehensible... What was it? 

You could not understand.

You could only feel.

You could feel -

* * *

The suprise of Saya's embrace as he sobbed his heart out onto her lace and satin dress. She smelled of flowers, grass and sunlight - it reminded him of his mother - 

His -

He didn't want to remember.

* * *

You could feel -

* * *

The mystery of Amshel's insinuations and his dark smile, following the young boy as the days turned into weeks, months and years. Looking out from the dark shadows, Amshel seemed to represent some sort of nightmare just lurking on the edge of Haji's vision. 

A nightmare...

* * *

You could feel -

* * *

The simple kiss they shared under the lacy canopy of her large bed. The pink and white ruffles telling of innocence and purity - fresh as the flowers outside the window. Fresh as the green grass and blue sky... And the gentle, awkward, tentative brushing of their lips together - as he tried to find his way around her - 

As he tried to understand her -

As her hand gripped his arm, her lips responding to his pressure -

As she drew him closer, demandingly - and he took her lead -

The simplicity of such a gift -

The kiss and the hair comb he had took so long to whittle and carve for her. Delicate, beautiful and -

* * *

You could feel -

* * *

The betrayal of Vietnam. He had tried his best to hold her back. Attempted to protect her despite her crazed nature. Karl was no match for her. And Haji, who could never hurt the girl who smiled, the girl who had embraced him as his mother, the girl who kissed him on her bed in thanks for a comb... 

Swinging down, the sword cut through flesh and bone -

He called her name - and as the troops opened fire on her and the Chiropterans - she did not answer.

Looking down at his arm, he knew it would be fixed easily enough. When Saya collapsed, Haji tried to find her, his arm still numb, still trying to heal -

His mind tumbling over and over in shock. It wasn't so much the pain of sword cut, rather, the betrayal, the hate in her eyes...

Yet, here he was, looking for her, frantically.

"Saya!"

In fear. _Did she hate him? For betraying her? For not being there beside her as he promised?_

"Saya!"

_Would she welcome him back? He who feared her - and feared his inability to please her - to aid her?_

"SAAAYYYYAAA!!!!"

_Was he even worthy to find her and hold her close?_

_What am I to you, now, Saya?_

_I have forgotten so much for you... You are all I have... _

"Saya..."

He stood there, ankle deep in carnage and blood. Aching for her familiar touch to his mind, aching for the taste of violence at his feet... It was heady. Never had he felt so panicked and wretched.

"Saya..." He whispered.

She did not answer.

* * *

You could feel nothing but the pain of memory. Calais was brought to tears.

* * *

At the post-performance party, Haji managed to sneak away into the gardens. His thoughts were still in turmoil about the performance and what he had recalled. For a life of eternity with Saya, he guessed he was bound to be cursed by _something_. 

_The dark memories will always be there, hiding, like Amshel, on the edge of my dreams. Except I don't dream... I can't even sleep to forget..._

"Wonderful. Just wonderful," a pair of arms crept around Haji's waist. "The Muse of Nature musing among Nature. But I sense a touch of angst, no?"

A pair of warm lips nibbled on a piece of pale, exposed neck.

Haji's automatic response would have crushed the man - but no one stood behind him. He turned around to find himself face to face with blonde hair and blue eyes. Startled, he stepped back, only to be pulled into a close embrace. The smile was warm, the eyes were cool... They drew closer...

_**I stare at you and think I'm dreaming,  
**_

**

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED...**

_Next up: Haji Reflects Further on the Past. Will he learn to let go? Will he conquer the hardest demon a man can face? Unexpected help from an unexpected place!_

**

* * *

MY THOUGHTS:**

**Gypsy. **Haji tells Lulu, "I come from travelling folk". He states this after she says he was "born in a castle". So, we know he's of "travelling folk". Now. He was picked up in the vicinity of France... which means... most likely... GYPSY. So, I went online and researched the gypsy race. Apparently, there are various types of gypsy, more or less seperated into region. More than likely, Haji's family was South-Eastern-European gypsies. From like, Romania or the Bosnian-Herco-whatchamacallit-region...

My reasoning for this is his name. "Haji" is an African name, with Arab origins. Swahili, according to one baby name site. "Haji" derives from the Arab word "hadj" which, if you are informed about Islam, is the pilgrimage one takes to Mecca. Therefore, Haji MAY have come from a more Muslim-influenced gypsy group. There are "white"(r) people groups in Eastern European who have come into close contact with Arab traditions etc., so Haji's family could have come from there. Secondly, if you are aware of Byzantine culture, the "Hagia Sophia" means "Holy Wisdom", so Haji's family could have come from around the 'stan' countries which once upon a time was occupied by the Byzantine empire (or influence).

In my story, he was shipped with his family group around the Spanish main (the penninsula) to Calais... but easily, I could have had him walk all the way to Calais... But shipping was a popular transportation for slavers... (shrugs) Whatever...

**Amshel**. I hate him. Always did. So, yes, I did demonize him here. I think, in my dark-yaoi fangurl mind, that he was really harsh toward Haji. At the end of the show, in his battle with Haji, he taunts Saya's Chevalier saying, "I enjoyed you when you begged me for bread", or something to that effect. I could totally see some form of child molestation going on there. :( Be that as it may, I know that hard-core, non-con, h/c, shouta-con is really touchy for people, so I'm not going to explore that deeply in this fic. (everyone breaths a sigh of relief). But yes, I do portray him as being creepy and sadistic.

**Prize**. I found online something called "Haji's Collection". It's the sequel (or rather, companion piece) to Haji's prequel "City of the NightWalkers". If you want to have the link posted in my next chapter, please tell me. I'd prefer to have at least 10 people tell me they'd like it... just because I want to know if it's worth uploading again:)

**Joel**. I think Joel was cruel in a different way. Cruel in that he really did start the experiments - and he did love Saya, but there is still this detachment from reality and I don't think he ever saw Saya as fully human, and Haji was merely a tool. Joel the elder seems like one of those cuddly scientist who actually think they are justified for playing with people's lives. Haji after all was BOUGHT - and in the manga, people were killed and dripped dry of their blood for Saya... so that means that Joel and Amshel were no doubt ruthless in the pursuit of truth. Nothing is black and white. I have a feeling Haji had a foretaste of BOTH sides. Which means that his reply to Amshel at the end of the show has alot more meaning to it then meets the eye. He KNOWS hie was mistreated, but he holds no grievances because Saya was the end result, and that is good enough for him. Which once again shows how important Saya is to Haji. Without Saya, the pain and mistreatment are just not worth it.

Without Saya, I think that life loses alot of point for Haji, because only for her did he plough on. So that makes her sleep (as well as the Vietnam betrayal) twice as hard for him. Without her, the memories and the realization of his isolation has more negative impact...

**

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READ AND REVIEW! Cheap payment for free entertainment!!!**


	8. He Deals With His Past: Part 2

I don't own Blood+ or Haji... Ah well... Just as well... perhaps...

**Warnings: Angst. More angst. Mild n/c.**

**Read and review!**

**Summary of last chapter: Calais brings dark memories to Haji's mind. Will he be able to rest this one part of his past?**

**To my reviewers! Many many many thanks!**

_shockfactor: I suggest you copy and paste the story into a document program and run a word count and then do the same for the total of my notes and reviews. I suggest you do this before posting inaccurate statements. It's not so much annoying as silly. :)_

_9081: Thanks! I hope you enjoy this!_

_Commedia: Thanks for the continued constructive crit! And for keeping me on my toes. I have made the necessary changes to the story!_

_Arthen: I loved our email exchange. I think it will definitely spawn more plot bunnies for the future! See ya round soon! Hope you like the angst in this chappie!_

_Nicholas Curee: Thanks for the encouragement. I hope you found my link hidden in chapter 6!_

fluffy'spocky: Yes to the scanlation in Chapter 6. Hope you enjoy this chapter - altho, methinks you'll be disappointed. Sorry. Solomon is being saved for a different occasion. 

_LadyIcicle: Thanks! I hope you like this new update!_

_gyuunmaesan: Thanks for the link - and yes, the translations can be rather... odd... one day, if my Japanese gets better, I'll be able to figure it out for myself._

_silvermoon89: I'm glad you are enjoying this collection of images. As for the link... it's in Chapter 6. Good hunting. Seriously. It's there. You'll have to read my notes carefully!_

_Mayumi Nakamisha: Hm. Hm. Can't say, but read on. I don't think you'll be disappointed. Because Haji always needs angst. Always._

_Raven the Dark Angel: Thanks for the constructive crit. I believe I changed the eyes issue... However, there's been some discussion on that "bread" line between two reviewers and myself. I personally don't see Amshel as being kind to Haji. First of all, in the manga, there is definite hatred there. Second of all, he just stated that he envied Haji. Envy isn't a positive emotion. Furthermore, the subbers I've based my research off of more or less have Amshel say that he enjoyed Haji asking him for a piece of bread. Which I like better because it encourages this angsty relationship between the two prime Chevalier. After all, Haji is "special" - he was chosen to be the bridegroom for BOTH girls - and yet, Amshel hates him because Haji is special. Poor Haji, I don't think he wanted this at all. I hope you enjoy this next installment..._

simmie: Well one day, I'll come to England for sure (when I make money in South Korea. Lol.) As for Haji Collection, the link is in Chapter 6, I believe, within the notes. :) Just read it slowly. It's there. :) If you haven't found it already... I hope you enjoy this - and trust your intuition as a reader more often! You are right!

_een nihc: Thanks so much! I am glad you see eye to eye with me about Joel. He seems really out of touch and nice - but ruthless. No matter how you cut it - whether Haji's parents sold him or not - Joel still bought a child for reproduction purposes... which makes me wonder if Haji is a virgin... _

_sailorrachel84: Oh my! Another new reviewer! I'm so glad you are enjoying this little collection. And I agree with you about the cello too. I could totally see that as being the original cello. And if not, he probably had to buy a new one through Red Shields money... who knows. The whole point is that his life has never really been his own - if you think about it. Being Saya's partner must be hard. And as for Amshel, I also agree that he is burning in hell._

_the non-existing person: Thanks! I'm so glad that this story moved you. I mean, it's not nice to cry - but for me, that's a real compliment!_

_chebbi: Sorry. I'm saving Solomon for later. Gomen. If it isn't Solomon, you can guess who else it might be! Hope you enjoy it, regardless!_

_ChasingStarlight: Haaaa! I'm glad you enjoyed this alot! I'm sorry for the slow updates but university is really demanding right now. At any rate, I hope you enjoy the new update and the new angst! lol._

_alex and karlee: That's okay. No compliment can be cheesy! and thanks for the encouragement. Reviewers really help me to stay motivated because when I have so much to do (university, full time work, volunteering and LIFE), it's often hard to place fanfiction where is should be put, priority wise. Hearing from readers, reminds me that my writing is still important! thanks again! I hope you like the angst in this chapter!_

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**

Chapter 8 

**Haji Finds Wisdom from Unexpected Places**

At the post performance party in Calais, Haji didn't feel up to the regular celebrations that went on. The local concert managers and crew were just as pumped as in Paris, but this time the Chevalier couldn't even PRETEND to be interested in the food and drink that flowed at the reception. Maybe it was the noise...

Or the smoke of the cigarettes. Or the glitzy dresses that seemed as bright as the neon signs outside on the street...

Looking down at the debutantes which had attached themselves to his arms, Haji wondered what induced such pretty girls to put so much on their face... and their nails.

Their nails looked like talons. They were like vultures. Unfortunately for the cellist, he had long forgotten their names - so he could only nod and seem partially interested in what they had to say.

_What they had to say..._

_Confusing_, he thought. _They talk about cars, and boys and hair and clothes and money and the ugly man on the street who stared at them... Saya. You might not have half the money they spend in a day, nor do you own half the stuff they buy in a week... but the beauty you have is simplicity... and honesty... with yourself... and with others..._

Halfway through the evening, Haji snuck away from the crowds and disappeared into the large garden patio at the back of the hotel. It was more calming there - when he found a spot NOT occupied by people with romantic (and other) intentions in mind. Leaning on the fence, looking over to the sea in the distance, Haji wondered if perhaps this would all end soon.

_Will it always be like this? This... breathlessness and tension... The eyes and the expectations... The expectations..._

Resting his chin on his forearms, Haji sighed.

_This place is so dark right now..._

_The dark memories will always be there, hiding, like Amshel, on the edge of my dreams. Except I don't dream... I can't even sleep to forget..._

_**

* * *

suddenly sounds unsilenced in me  
could be heard within me, but louder!  
**_

* * *

"Wonderful. Just wonderful," a pair of arms crept around Haji's waist. "The Muse of Nature musing among Nature. But I sense a touch of angst, no?"

A pair of warm lips nibbled on a piece of pale, exposed neck.

Haji's automatic response would have crushed the man - but no one stood behind him. He whirled around to find himself face to face with blonde hair and blue eyes. Startled, he stepped back, only to be pulled into a close embrace. The smile was warm, the eyes were cool... They drew closer...

Shoving at the broad shoulders covered with a light linen suit jacket, Haji eased away, hands curling into fists. It was scary to know how much of violence lurked beneath the surface of his life... How easy it was for him to remember how to fight - already he was considering his options...

_No weapons. Just people. I can use the people to get away... Get away from here and never come back -_

His thoughts were interrupted by a seductive:

"Haji."  
"Nathan-san," his eyes narrowed. "You died."  
"Hmmmmm... no... not really... there's death... and then there's death on the stage. Two different things. Mhhhmmm... but you haven't changed at all!"

Haji frowned at the blonde's frivolity.

"Changed?"  
"All these years... and I thought you'd have gotten some..." Nathan shook his head. "Nevermind. I just had to say hello to cheer up my favorite, most handsome Chevalier, no?"

Suddenly, Haji found himself pinned against the iron railings of the fence. He tried to turn and twist - but to no avail. Nathan crowded him back - pressed hard against the iron. The cheerful Chevalier, lips turned up in a seductive smile, leaned forward to whisper in Haji's ear.

"Miss me?"  
"Hardly," Haji hissed. "Get. Off. Me."

He tried to keep his panic from showing - but there was an edge to his voice. A small tussle ensued - but Nathan blocked every move easily.

"You've gotten better, Haji-kun," he crooned, ignoring the hand at his neck. "But still some practice is needed... and you must know I'm more than willing to play..."

Haji clamped down on the old horror rising up in him. The memory of Amshel bending over him... He slammed Nathan off him, just as those smirking lips closed in on his -

"Who are you?" He asked, his voice freezing the other Chevalier with its intensity.

Nathan shrugged, then smiled.

"What's in it for me?" He asked.

Haji thought about it.

"Your life?" he asked, shifting into a familiar fighting stance.

The blonde musician rubbed his jaw in thought.

"Not so pretty, Haji, are we?"  
"Eh?"  
"A little rough around the edges... a little anger. But... It's good to see something on your face."

Haji's fists clenched tighter. Nathan sighed.

"Time goes by so quickly for us who never even count it. For you. For me as well. It seems only yesterday that I met her."  
"Met her?" Haji let his arms drop as he stared at the Chevalier. "Diva?"  
"Diva? No. It feels like yesterday that I met the young child who only wanted love... No. No. Her mother."  
"Diva's mother?"  
"Yes. She was young once. Long ago... when she was young. When the world was young..."  
"Diva's... Saya's... mother..."  
"Hm. Yes. The mother of Saya also... It was so long ago... we met... not here... but towards the north... when I was young... and she looked like an innocent girl. Dark hair, blue eyes and the largest smile you ever saw. So happy and free. Wild and dangerous - the epitome of nature. It was beautiful. Just like Saya and Diva..."  
"Diva was..." Haji hesitated. "Hurt. Corrupted. There was nothing beautiful -"  
"Hmmm... Amshel would destroy anything beautiful for the sake of power and knowledge. What an unlovely man he was. But then, you'd know all about that too..." Nathan cocked his head thoughtfully. "He told me that he was the one who found you. Who chose you. Handpicked you himself..." His eyebrows raised with realization. "Right here... in Calais... the meeting place of Europe, isn't that right? How old were you, I wonder? I bet you were as beautiful as you are now..."  
"It doesn't matter -"  
"No? So why do you stand here in the dark and sigh - all alone?"

Haji shook his head.

"It was nothing."  
"Hm..." Nathan strolled past Haji, with an air of unconcern. "And here I thought you were agonizing over the emptiness."  
"The... emptiness..." Haji echoed in a whisper, then with some hesitation, he found a spot by the older Chevalier. "You feel it too? After all this time?"  
"Well..." Nathan sighed. "It wasn't as depressing when Diva was around. There was something to look forward to - to watch. A theatre of the absurd and the tragic... That too was beautiful."

There was a thoughtful silence between the two then, as both men thought of the young girl called Diva, who had only wanted to be loved and have a family. And Saya, who had been forced to make the worst choices a person could make. Her sister - or the ones she loved?

"Still," Nathan continued on after a moment. "Even then... there was the emptiness - it had been there for a long time. When she died, I thought I would die too. She was my everything."

_**

* * *

That was more than reminiscence:  
my life began to talk once more,  
**_

* * *

Another silence.

"I had no one else but her - and then... one day... she was gone."

Haji thought on it for a moment. Trying to imagine a day when Saya's eyes would close, never to open again. It scared him to think that there could be that day - when she would succumb, finally, to that eternal sleep.

"I could not follow her," Nathan said softly. "There was nothing I could do. And... being a Chevalier - you have alot of time to think it over. To feel the loss. Indestructible and inconsolable. Like one of those depressing Greek tragedies..."  
"Do you think -" Haji stared down at his hands, now inexplicably gripping the iron rails. He let them go, trying to make himself relax.  
"You never know," the elder said. "But the question then, for you, Haji, isn't "when is this going to happen?" You know that right?"

The chestnut-haired Chevalier looked up blankly. Nathan leaned closer.

"The question is - will you be strong and live for her? It took me a while, but I found them. Well, Diva to be exact. And it was Diva who needed me the most. After all, who would ensure her babies lived on - if she fell to Saya. Well, Diva did finally find peace - and, I guess, Amshel did as well... that boy apparently has adopted the girls... It is all as it should be, perhaps... But what if one day, Saya falls asleep never to awake..."  
"I don't know -" Haji shook his head. "Even now, I feel that lack in me. She is not there. It's hard..."  
Nathan nodded.  
"That's why I came," he smiled crookedly. "I think... Haji... your journey shows courage. You are stepping out and living for yourself. It is what Saya would want for you, isn't it? Just as Saya's mother - just as Diva - would wish their children to carry on their lives to the fullest..."

Haji smiled sadly. "I understand... and yet..." He sighed. "You have had the company of Chevalier, Diva and even Saya's mother... But I -"

He remembered Amshel's deep voice echoing in the small room, a meaty hand raised in warning.

"I am only strong for Saya... I was chosen for her. She is the only thing I have in this world..."

Nathan smiled, slung his arm around Haji's drooping shoulders.

"Don't ruin such a handsome face with cares!"  
Haji raised an eyebrow.  
"I am serious, you know -"  
"Yes, yes. So serious... all the time... but you know... for all your experience and dedication... you really aren't facing up to it, are you?"

Haji eased away from Nathan's loose embrace, his eyes narrowing.

"Facing up?"  
"For a man who's lived so long, gained so much knowledge and accumlated such power, you are remarkably... unintelligent... Don't you understand what I said?"  
"I don't think I am anything like that," Haji said simply, backing away from Nathan. "There is nothing remarkable about me. I am Saya's - I am strong, only for Saya. It is for her that I fight - at her bidding, I am strong. That is all. And for her peaceful sleep, I will do anything!"

With that, Haji flew at Nathan. Their movements were so fast - the Chevalier were nothing but blurs in the early evening. Underneath the waxing moon, hand met hand, foot met foot - and a fight for survival began. Wiping away some blood trailing from his cheek, Nathan laughed, the cut healing almost instantaneously. Haji could feel his ponytail coming down, his hair falling down in wisps. They clashed together again, tussling through the bracken, the hedges and under the trees, until Nathan pinned Haji down on the grass.

His blue eyes met rebellious dark ones.

"You ARE strong, Haji," Nathan agreed.

Haji twisted away as Nathan leaned down, putting all the power of his hands on the celloist's wrists.

"But are you strong enough to live?"

Then he was gone. Haji was left there, gasping - looking up at the pale moon. Wondering.

_Strong enough to live..._

"Haji! Haji! Haa-aajii!"

It was his name, being called again and again by a familiar voice - drawing the Chevalier, reluctantly out of his not-so-pleasant thoughts. Looking down at his now torn, rather worn, grass-stained suit, Haji sighed. He looked like he'd been fighting - or something else even more embarassing...

_What will Kernhikov and Angie think?  
_  
"Haji!"

The voice was coming closer. Haji scrambled to his feet stiffly, trying to get a few kinks out of his neck. He didn't stagger very far before Anton burst out of small hedge.

"Haji! Good heavens! What were you doing out here?" The tall Frenchman loomed over the shorter man, brushing Haji's suit off. Leaves fell to the ground and bits of grass and dirt. "Don't tell me you've already started rolling in the hay? Eh?" He winked at Haji.

Haji didn't know what to say to that. So he remained silent. Even when Anton's arm wrapped familiarly around his waist. The man's cologne was heady to the Chevalier's heightened senses. It made him feel ill.

"Are you feeling okay? Here - sit here! Drink this! Feel better? Did something bad happen?"

Haji turned away slightly, unsure of how to take Anton's concern. Anton, after all, was a mercurial man. A moody artiste. And Haji had seen him one minute screaming at a singer and the next minute crying about Blanche. And the looks that Anton had cast Haji more than once - reminded him vaguely of Nathan... and even further back... Amshel. Even now, although Haji had turned away, Anton was getting closer - and suddenly the small park bench seemed much too tiny for the both of them. The Chevalier didn't know what to say to the fact that somehow, their hands had gotten entwined.

Quickly, he withdrew his hands, trapping them between his legs, hoping that Anton would get the message. A long finger brushed down his messy hair, over his ear - to trace along his chin. It hooked under, turning Haji's face to the conductor. Haji refused to meet his eyes.

Anton sighed.

"You are so far away, even though you sit beside me," he said. "It is pleasing to look on you. Don't you know how your mystery excites the senses?"

Haji's chin went down even further. He glared at his wrists and hoped this would be over quickly.

But how to tell the man that he wasn't interested?

"No. Sorry. I don't," Haji bit his lip and looked up at the conductor. "I - I - ... never asked for this."

Anton leaned back, realizing by the cool look in the Chevalier's eyes that something wasn't quite right.

"There's... someone else?"

Haji hesitated, then nodded.

"But yes, of course there is," Anton said mournfully, turning to look up at the moon. "No handsome man like you is left alone for long. I hope she is worth you."  
"She is worth much more than me," Haji smiled fondly, thinking of Saya's strength over the centuries.  
"Hmmmm... Don't go underestimating yourself, Haji," Anton leaned in again with a smile. "You too have alot to offer."

What do I have to offer? I have given her everything - I even gave her a promise of death. At the end, I gave her the encouragement to live - and she gave me her love and her kiss...

Haji touched his lip in memory.

Her kiss... it made me feel so strong. I felt like I could overcome anything. Even when Amshel seperated us - I knew it would be okay...

"I guess... that too is true," admitted Haji.  
"You guess?" Anton asked in mock horror. "Haji. Let me tell you a secret."

Haji nodded, uncertainly.

"Love... it is hard to love."  
"Hard to love?"  
"It is hard to love because love... makes you vulnerable. Hm. Yes. You see... it's easy to be passive in love... to stand by and look at someone and give what they ask of you... but the moment you step out for yourself - the moment your love is active - it is dynamic. And listen to me, Haji, that is the moment of strength and vulnerability."

_Saya ordering him to tell her to fight. His weak attempts to curb her moments of insanity. The depression afterwards - even in Hong Kong. He had nearly died there. Thanks to the cop, he'd lived... but... He had been disallowed to tell of her sleepiness - and yet - when he had told her to live... _

_Perhaps in all of this... I feared the loss. My father who was taken in Sicily. My mother disappeared in Calais. When I was free, and Saya fell asleep - I went to look for them. But they were gone. And when I died, I left everyone behind - to become a part of the land outside time. Even when Saya was with me, I had no real voice. To the Red Shield, I was even worse than Saya - merely a tool to use a weapon. And the cages - the interrogations and experiments... the blood I gave in appeasement... the Isaacs of before and after Vietnam... They looked at me with such arrogant eyes... _

I was hers. But when I told her to live... I became vulnerable to her anger and strong because it was for her good. And she listened to me. Because she saw my love. And she gave me her kiss...

Her kiss...  
  
When Haji looked up, Anton had gone. He rose, the stiffness already gone, and made his slow way back to the hall. Angie was at the door, cheeks red, eyes sparkling with the euphoria of wine. 

"Haji! Where've you been? We've been worried for you! Kernhikov -" Here, she giggled. "Told us Anton went out to look for you... we were scared..." She looked amused. "But it looks like you survived him - did you meet Anton?"  
Haji merely smiled.  
"It is fine. Everything is fine," he replied, evading her questions, his mind still worrying over the problem at hand.

_Was he not in love with Saya?  
Yes...  
Did he not do everything for her? Did he not go beyond his expectations, and in his first feeble way, actively plead for their love?  
Yes...  
But if the end should come... would he find enough worth in himself, enough strength in himself to live? _

There is more to me than what Amshel said - just as there was more to Saya's life than she thought - more to Diva's desire than an experiment...

Yes... Nathan... knowing that, then... perhaps he would let his life shine as long as possible to carry on their dreams. Tomorrow would always bring a brighter future. Kai was right: Nankurunaisa.

As Saya's Chevalier, no, as HAJI... I can face tomorrow.  
  
_**

* * *

as did in you that very charm,  
as did in my soul that very same love!  
**_

* * *

When Haji left Calais, he buried those memories with the proper regret of a man who understood finally. Courage in battle (even against a Chiropteran) is one thing, but even more important is the battle of the heart and mind. Finding the strength to face the past, one gains the power to find a future in love. And if that day should come, when his important one is lost to him forever, Haji knew he had the power to continue on, regardless, living life as she had asked him to.

The gulls of Calais circled overhead - the sea's voice had changed. Watching the reflections of the clouds in the dark water churning past the ferry, Haji felt the burden rise off his chest. He looked up to the blue sky.

_One day, I will fly.  
_  
-------------

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	9. He Finds His Place

**I do not own Blood+. This is not an official piece of fiction, I did not write these characters originally - and I get no money from this.**

**To those who have patiently waited, THANK YOU!**

**Warning: ............. no Saya.....  
**

* * *

**When Saya Sleeps**

**Chapter 9**

**Haji Finds A Place**

David was throwing up behind the shed, feeling more miserable than usual. He turned as a tall shadow fell over him. It was Haji, silent, still... calm and collected as always.

_So annoying..._

"It's you," he mumbled, feeling uncomfortable under the long, blank stare of Haji.

The Chevalier's eyes seemed to pierce so deeply. The blonde-haired man chuckled morosely.

"It's strange... Be it in Okinawa, in Russia or on the blood-drenched ship deck or even here in the countryside, you look like you fit in so well with the surroundings. As if you collected the air around you and recreated it."

"It is my art of living," Haji deadpanned.

David closed his eyes.

"I wasn't being sarcastic. I see that words of praise have no effect on you."

Haji was unmoved.

"You are draping yourself in a veil of incompatibility, David," he stated quietly.

As if the conversation was over... or rather... he had something else to say...

"That's true," conceded David with a tired nod. "I can't fit in anywhere I go."

"I was not being sarcastic."

"I don't care."

"Have you given up the fight?" asked the celloist with the tenacity of a bulldog.

"Yeah," David held up his liquor bottle. "I traded my gun in for this."

A pause.

"You do not look as though you like it."

"Are you my shrink?" demanded David.

"No," Haji returned softly. "That is just my impression."

_Damn him. Damn his impressions... Damn his small smiles..._

David could only shake his head at the futility of it all. Even the Chevalier had to know the inevitability of failure - the eternal feelings of loss that eventually drowned one sensibilities. Of all people, it seemed strange and yet believable that Haji could stand there firmly and survive it all.

-

"Well, he survived Calais," Angie murmured one day to one of the tenors. "Hard to believe..."  
"He's got guts inside, that kid does," grunted one of the orchestra members, turning in the bus's seats to join the conversation. "Steel wire inside. Mark my words. He'll survive the circuit in his ow quiet way."

"I wonder if he'll stay in the biz," mused the tenor, reaching around his seat to snag his pocket book of English phrases.

"Highly unlikely," Angie shook her head. "I got a feeling he isn't made for the biz."  
"Well, his recruitment was far from ordinary," pointed out another singer - who had been listening avidly to the gossip across the aisle. "Like a ship in the night -"

"Like a swallow flying through a barn," said the older man who played the viola.

"That doesn't make sense...."  
"No, it wouldn't to you," replied the old man. "It wouldn't to you."

-

As always, Haji succeeded in making his new life work for him. People like Kai and Riku had always pitied Haji's distance from humanity and in doing so, widened the chasm. But here, in the troupe, like the bands of Romany so long ago, identity was built easily - as flexible as sails before a mighty wind.

As changeable as masks before a play.

There was a feeling of regret - at the illusory, fragmented and impermanent life. Drink, pills, song and dance helped many forget the night awaiting outside. As it were. For in the circuit life, there is an awareness of that date - the final curtain - when the story ends and all the elements are disbanded.

Yes, Haji fitted in this life much easier than Reed Shield hoped or expected. More than likely, the atmosphere reminded him of home. Not the gypsy caravan - although there were good memories to unearth in that past as well - but rather...

_Saya... with Saya, no matter where I was - I was home_, Haji thought. _And she is here now - in my heart..._

His bandaged hand clasped his chest as he considered their many travels together. It had been like a circuit - and he and Saya had been ill-fated lovers in a tragic play.

_Or not_, he smiled softly, remembering his kiss on the stage. _The story of our lives played out... and we will be together again._

Yes, there was a feeling of impermanence - but with Saya, endless futures seemed more than possible.

-

In London, England, the musical was received rather well. After the opening night's party, Haji slipped out early as was his wont - to take the evening air of London.

_Not that London is as beautiful as the country_, Haji mused. _There is something foul on the air tonight..._

"It's a shame about the smog," David's deep voice uttered out of the shadows. "But England is nice for holidays."

"Ahh.... David-san," replied Haji calmly.

"No surprising you!" chuckled the blond man, his blue eyes still sharp despite his years. "Still keeping keen, I see."

"After a fashion."

"I saw the show. Joel told me you were on tour. I couldn't believe it - but I had business in England - so I took the chance to see it for myself."

"Ah... Thank you..."

"She would have been proud."

"I hope so," Haji said softly.

"I know so."

There was a moment's silence - then...

"I never would have thought -"

""That I would survive among people?"

"Well... yes... no... I don't know... It was as before...." David replied finally. "Like always."

"You have a strange sense of rightness," replied Haji.

"What?"

"Perhaps this is a matter of drink?"

"Haji..." David stopped and then grimaced. "Never mind," he chuckled dryly. "A while ago, maybe... but this time, there is no drink involved. And I still believe it..."

There was another lull in the conversation as the two men gazed over the rooftops of London from the hotel's penthouse suite's balcony.

"I never did get to say thanks about that...' David's voice cut into the silence.

Somewhere traffic roared and crowds bustled. England was still not asleep.

"For what?" asked Haji, his dark eyes sliding sideways to peer at his equally taciturn companion.

"For your therapy session - when I needed it the most. I said alot of things that day... But you were kind."

"Some of the things - I wasn't sure what you meant by it. But it is in the past -"

"I think it was meant as an underhanded compliment," David interrupted, shaking his head ruefully. "But I don't think I was making much sense up until then. Have you ever had a hangover?"

".... Hmmm...." Haji tilted his head in thought.

"Probably not. You were little older than a child when you were created - and have remained so for a long time - I think."

"I try hard every day for Saya," Haji said softly.

"I know," David replied. "I can see that to this day. Besides, even a child is wise. And even now, you have that ability."

-

David took Haji out to the stones for a weekend trip. Haji sat quietly in the front seat, cello case resting in the back on top of their small luggage. Green hills, small woods, large state mansions, cozy villages and quiet brooks passed by.

"It's stones - but more than that," the blond man explained as Haji shifted the map spread across his lap.

Every now and then, the Chevalier would look at the map with a serene expression. A distant thoughtful look - which some could read as disinterest. But David had gotten enough used to the Chevalier to spot a walk down memory lane.

"It's called the Stonehenge," David added, after a moment.

Haji did not reply. A moment of silence dragged by.

"You ever been there?" asked David.

"No. Once, nearly. But not quite."

"In passing?"

"Yes."

Even for unflappable David, who was not the most talkative man in the world (unlike Kai who always had an opinion on everything), the silence was unnerving. The conversations were even worse - tougher than pulling teeth.

"I guess the new you isn't quite the talking type."

"Give me another hundred years," was Haji's calm reply.

Ten minutes later, David realized that the Chevalier had actually cracked a joke. He tried to hold the laughter back - but ended up snorting through his nose until it burned - and his eyes teared up. Haji cocked his head and watched the man as though David were a science experiment gone wrong.

"It's okay..." David coughed out. "Never mind."

_Ahh... Saya.... He's growing yet again..._

-

Haji took his cello to the Stonehenge. Strapped securely to the Chevalier's back.

_Not that I should be surprised_, David shook his head at the sight of the pale Chevalier wandering around the open spaces.

It was a grey day - but very atmospheric to David's mind. The resulting lack of crowds was satisfying to the blond man. He was sure Haji appreciated it was as well.

When Haji found an outcropping, he opened his case and pulled out his cello. David sat beside him and listened to the rich notes rolling out like serene waves into the hills. It was beautiful. He wished Julia could be here to enjoy the moment. If he closed his eyes, the music painted in his mind an even greener picture - the green glades filled with the people he loved.

_Those gone - and those who remained..._

It is the same song - and yet not, David realized, remembering Joel's musings over the phone. _Not that I am a music aficionado like Joel. But the man is right... You can hear a new heart in the music._

When the Red Shield warrior opened his eyes and looked at Haji, it was as if seeing magic in motion. The pragmatist in the soldier scoffed - but another, softer part of him, which had begun to blossom under Julia's loving care, understood the heart of the matter.

Haji's magic - his ability to surround himself - to fit in - was because the Chevalier's home was where his heart was.

And his heart was always holding Saya.

-

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